Almost all thru my life I never had a voice. I never spoke up when someone belittled me, abused me, judge me, or talked badly of me. My mother always told me as a child; “Carla, you need to find my voice.” “It’s in there, you just need to find it.” So, I went to see a therapist hoping they’ll help me find my voice and not be afraid to speak up when I need to. Well, that didn’t happen till I was an adult, it took me 40 years to find it. Now that I’ve found my voice, I tell people what I think and how I feel. I never sugar coat anything, I tell it like it is. Even if it hurts your feelings. And now that I’ve found my voice, no one likes it because I’m aggressive, blunt, honest and straight to the point. As I became clean, I spoke up more. I no longer let anyone belittle me, judge me, abuse me, or bully me.
You see, the key aspect of practicing self-compassion is to recognize and accept what you feel right here and now. This means that we do not try to control or manipulate our emotional truths. Allowing everything that emerges from ourselves to be here. In a nut shell, the practice of self-compassion is to be true to all of ourselves. In order to be true to ourselves in relationship with others, what do you think is necessary?
Speaking our truths – We feel restricted and frustrated when we are suppressing our true feelings. What are the costs of not speaking our truths? We will lose touch with ourselves. We will become confused about what we think, what we feel, what we like to do. We end up losing a sense of being ourselves for others. If you wish to live true to yourself, it is so vital for you to be able to cultivate the courage to speak your truths. In order to speak your truths, you first need to recognize and accept what spontaneously arises from within. Having said that, it is scary to voice our honest feelings and thoughts. It’s beneficial to explore what it is that makes us feel scared of speaking out.
Fear of conflicts? Fear of being rejected? Wanting to avoid upsetting someone and also you don’t want to be upset, either? In order to be able to find our voice, the most important thing is to “practice” the courage to speak your truths. Courage can substitute for compassion for yourself. Courage and compassion grow deeper through acting courageously and compassionately. It is like learning to play musical instruments and sports. So I want to share some tips I learned for practicing of letting your voice out.
1. Nurture your inner child (a three-year-old toddler)
You know, three-year-old toddlers are a purely emotional being, right? They don’t worry about how other people think of them or how their behavor affects others, either. They express themselves without any hesitation. A fullness of our self-expressiveness actually brings out our life energy. It sets us free. A childlike spontaneity and innocence is like a “divine” child within us. As you nurture expressiveness of your inner child, a sense of being yourself will be nurtured. As you connect with your emotional truths and find a way to express them, you will come to like yourself
2. Find your voice – “Throwing a tantrum”
A next step is finding your voice. It’s like, again, a three-year-old toddler throwing a tantrum. I’m not kidding! Especially when you experience someone bullying you, hurting you, or unreasonably demanding you for something, it is so important to express your feelings of dislike and upset.
“I don’t like such a horrible person!
“It’s OK to say no!”
“I won’t forgive how she/he has treated me!”
This unbound self-expressiveness brings out the courage to stand your own ground. Speaking your truths doesn’t always mean that you say something to the person. What matters most is giving yourself a permission to have feelings of dislike and anger towards aspects of someone who hurts you. It doesn’t mean that you deny the whole person. Those who fall into mental illness tend to blame themselves for being treated badly. Turning against yourself diminishes your life energy. I hope you give it a try. Speaking from the heart like a toddler. It may take the courage at first, but you will feel a sense of emotional freedom and joy of being yourself by finding your voice!
This exercise took a lot of practice for me. It also took me a long time to find my voice and speak out. So, be patient. Whether you have a mental illness or not, you’re not to blame for anything., nothing is your fault, you’re not a horrible person. It’s just your head tricking you into thinking all that. Once, you find your voice, you will see how much more fearless and powerful you become overtime.
Keep in mind the better you become as a person, the better you attract. Finding the right person begins with you!!