Someone With Anxiety Aren’t Hard To Love.

Confident is never a word someone will use when they have anxiety. Especially when it comes to relationships. In relationships, people with anxiety are almost too careful. Afraid to ever fully be themselves because they believe this single word that has influenced so much of their life even dictated it, won’t be accepted or understood by a partner. Simply because they haven’t accepted it within themselves.

How can you accept something that seems to rear its ugly head into your life, turning everything that could potentially be good into something horrible? Anxiety replays every moment, every conversation, every memory, every smile, every look and runs it over with a fine tooth comb. This way you can analyze the situation from a different point of view. Creating problems in your life that aren’t actually problems, but you are making them be. Overthinking. Overtrying. Overcaring. All of this is generated by the fear of reading a situation wrong, fear of getting hurt, fear of not having control.

So you replay everything seeing it from every different point of view just so you aren’t surprised or caught off guard. Just so you can prepare for how you’ll react if the worst case scenario were to become a reality.

When it comes to relationships, without even intending to, you expect the worst. You expect someone leaving. You expect some abrupt ending you don’t understand. And the relationship might only be in the beginning stages, but those beginning stages are the hardest for someone with anxiety. Because you are inclined to think negativity.

Maybe it’s the fear of an ending that manifests it. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. But anyone with anxiety will always point to themselves than analyze what they could have done differently, holding it over their own head and beating themselves up more.

Carefully wording every text. Wanting to confirm plans. Anticipating someone canceling last-minute. It’s wanting to be excited about something, but managing your expectations. It’s not trusting anyone. Because you’re afraid to let someone too close and you’re afraid to get hurt. It’s constantly doubting yourself, because people with anxiety take responsibility for every part of their life and every part of the relationship.

But in the beginning, someone with anxiety will hide all of this.

You might seem calm, cool, and collective, but as someone gets to know you, they will understand silence means something so much more. And when someone asks what you are thinking, you are afraid to say it.

Because if they suddenly told you everything like “I’m scared. I didn’t sleep all night because I couldn’t stop replaying what happened, and what I might have said or done wrong and how you might have interrupted it. I’ve been thinking about a single text all day. I’m looking forward to seeing you, but I understand if you want to cancel.” All of these thoughts plague your mind.

You won’t say anything like that though. On the surface, you will play it cool like there isn’t anything that wrong with you.

But in time the partner will begin to notice, picking, shaking, tapping, biting nails, humming, snapping, pacing around, rushing, deep breaths, lack of sleep, getting up early, oversleeping, routines, schedules, to do lists, silence, leaving and breaking down.

Struggling to articulate what it is that’s wrong, when it’s problem you’ve created in your head and you know you are overreacting, you know you are over thinking, you know it sounds nuts. But you are who they are and even though you don’t like it, you can’t help it either.

As a partner gets to know you better what they thought was high achieving and admirable traits was really a facade of pretending. They will begin to see how hard you are on yourself, how mean you are to yourself in moments, how hard it is to deal with sometimes, this part of yourself you hate. When you aren’t succeeding or achieving something or being the best at it, you beat yourself up. As they get to know you, what they thought was someone initially so confident, is really someone who doubts every decision they make and analyzes every flaw.

It’s the apologies that aren’t needed. The situations, assumptions, and jumping to conclusions meanwhile; your partner might not even have thought twice about their dialect of how they said something or how it might have come across in a text. It’s the silence they didn’t think about meanwhile, you assume they are mad. It’s getting to a point where you fearfully let this person in, sitting there explaining to someone this is everything going on in my head and your partner will realize how careful they have to be, because people with anxiety have a different level of sensitivity than the rest of the world.

The root of someone with anxiety is someone who cares and someone who is so afraid of doing something wrong or ruining something good or hurting someone.

And as a potential partner, the best thing they can do is try to understand and be accepting of it.

People with anxiety didn’t ask to be this analytical but they are, and it’s exhausting, and the best thing for someone like that, is a partner who isn’t going to be afraid to be the confident one sometimes. Be the one who just sits and listens. Be the arms when they break down. Be the one lying next to them when it’s late and you know they are awake and just hold them. Be the reassurance that you’re still about it and them, that you’re still here because they are sitting waiting for your mind to suddenly change. Be the person that answers texts quickly. The person who over explains things. The person who overshares. The person who sticks to a plan because people with anxiety need that structure. Be able to read them because even if they aren’t articulating what it is they are thinking and feeling, their face will say it all. Be one step ahead of them before they can jump to conclusions. Be able to communicate what is okay and what isn’t, because if you leave them guessing, you’ll get some letter that’s a long apology of things that weren’t even a problem, but they made one in their mind.

Anxiety leaves them doubtful and questioning everyone and everything. It’s ruining relationships before they begin. It’s struggling to take things slowly and struggling to trust someone new. It’s wanting the best and giving the best, but worrying when you’ve gone overboard.

But if you do have a relationship with someone who has anxiety, what you’ll get out of that is someone who will always be brutally honest. Someone who will always have your best interest at heart. Someone who will care too much sometimes. Someone who is sensitive and understanding. A person who won’t judge you for breaking down, because it could very well be them tomorrow. Someone who will give you strength, because they know the hardest obstacle to overcome are battles you have with yourself.

If you can overcome the hurdles together of them vs. themselves and you help them to be more confident, you will get their loyalty and love in its purest form.

Because people with anxiety might be bad at starting relationships, they might worry about them ending, but they are good in relationships.

And you’ll catch them in little moments, where they just whisper “thank you” under their breath and you won’t think much of it.

But really what they are saying is thank you.

Thank you for accepting me.
Thank you for not judging.
Thank you for reassuring my fears.
And always saying the right thing.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for making me better.
Thank you for standing by me.
Thank you for trying to understand.

But most of all, thank you for teaching me I’m not that hard to love.


Why Do We Have Emotions?

Why do we have emotions? This is an excellent question! Did you think: “Emotions make us human” or “They help us feel?” These are partly correct. Emotions do define us as humans and we do ‘feel’ when we have emotions. But more precisely, emotions are subjective internal experiences that involve both a ‘mental state’, as well as a ‘physiological state’. By ‘mental state’ we mean the internal cognitive label we use. For example love, excitement, anxiety and anger. By ‘physiological state’ we mean the associated physical sensations or feelings in our body. For example, a racing heart and butterflies in the stomach when we feel anxious or the feeling of heat and pressure building up inside us when we are angry. For an emotion to be experienced, both these ‘states’ need to be present. Thus, we experience anxiety if we have a fear of heights only if there is an accompanying ‘physiological state’, such as a racing heart and shortness of breath. However, if we are exercising and have a racing heart and shortness of breath, we will not label this as anxiety because our ‘mental state’ does not perceive any danger, but rather knows these physiological changes are a direct result of the exercise

Most people tend to describe emotions as being good or bad.

Given that it is common for us to judge our emotions, many people develop false beliefs or ‘myths’ about emotions. Here are the most common ones, as well as why they are false. It may become even clearer why they are all myths.

Myth #1: There is a right way to feel in every situation.
False. Feelings are not right or wrong. They provide information about how we see a specific situation. Different people will feel different emotions depending on the situation because we all have different beliefs about ourselves, others and how the world operates. Even if two people feel the same emotion, it is possible that the intensity will vary. For example, during a funeral most people will feel sad, but the intensity of sadness will vary depending on how close each person was to the deceased person.

Myth #2: When I let others know I am feeling bad it shows I am weak or flawed. False again. Feelings are not a weakness. Everyone experiences negative emotions and we cannot all be weak or flawed. So expressing a negative emotion simply means that something is bothering us.

Myth #3: All negative emotions will keep on increasing in intensity if I do not act now. This is untrue. Emotions do not increase forever in intensity. They reach a peak and then they will subside.

Myth #4: Negative emotions are bad and destructive.
This is another false myth. It is not the emotion that is bad or destructive, but the behavior that results. For example, alcohol abuse, compulsive shopping, risk-taking behaviors and self-mutilation.

Myth #5: All emotions happen spontaneously for no reason.
False. All emotions happen for a reason and are the result of our perception of an event.

Myth #6: I cannot tolerate any painful emotion.
This is not true. People can learn to tolerate unpleasant emotions with practice. If we do not learn to tolerate emotions, impulsive behaviors such as drugs, regrettable sexual encounters and self-harm will lead to further problems and additional painful emotions.

Myth #7: Some emotions are completely stupid and useless.
Untrue. All emotions provide information to us so they are very useful. They help identify what we like or do not like (for example, what sports we like, how we want to be treated), they help us communicate with others (for example, facial expressions to convey anger or interest) and they help prepare us for action (for example, feeling anxious about a test motivates us to study until we feel prepared and the anxiety decreases).

Myth #8: If others do not agree with how I feel, then I must be wrong. Another false myth. There is no right or wrong emotion so emotions cannot be judged. If you feel a certain way, then it is what you are feeling regardless of what others say. Also remember that each person can experience a different emotion after the same event.

Myth # 9: Other people are the best at knowing how I am feeling. Not true. People can only see behaviors or what you do, but not what you are feeling. Thus, each person is the best judge of how they feel.

Myth #10: All painful emotions should be ignored because they are unimportant. False. Painful emotions are especially important because they leave significant emotional scars that need to be healed. Ignoring them will not make them go away.

Myth #11: Feeling negative or painful emotions means I am bad. A final false myth. Feelings are not like a personality trait or a behavior, so negative emotions do not describe us as people. In addition, everyone feels negative emotions, like anxiety or depression on occasion, and everyone cannot be ‘bad’.


This is an excellent question! We must have emotions for a reason, otherwise they would not exist. There are three major reasons why we experience emotions.

Emotions help to motivate us for action: Emotions help to organize our behaviour and set us in motion to accomplish a goal. For example, if you are crossing the street and you see a car run a red light in your direction, you will likely perceive danger, get anxious, and run to get out-of-the-way. If you see a member of the opposite as a potential romantic partner, it may motivate you to go talk to the person.

Emotions help us communicate with people: Emotions help us communicate with other people using our verbal and non-verbal behaviour. If you are mad at someone, you will likely raise your voice in a firm tone, stand up straight and look directly in the other person’s eye. In turn, emotions also help us recognize what others are feeling. For example, if the other person is looking at you, smiling and nodding their head during a conversation, you will likely perceive that they are listening to you and interested in what you are saying.

Emotions communicate to us what we like and do not like: These include a variety of information such hobbies, people, work, interests, food, how we prefer to be treated, our values, sports, etc.



Now that you know why we have emotions, the next step is to understand what information each emotion is communicating to us. We are quite good at knowing why we have pleasant emotions, so this last section will focus on what unpleasant emotions mean. If someone were to ask you why we experience anxiety, what would you answer? Did you reply, “It means I feel scared” or “It means being afraid?” Scared and afraid are words that describe the intensity of anxiety. For example, tense or nervous are synonyms for a low-level of anxiety, whereas panic and terrified would describe an extremely intense level of anxiety. Anxiety means that we perceive a threat or a danger. For example, I become terrified if I see a bear because I am afraid of getting mauled (i.e. danger) or I feel nervous about public speaking because I am afraid of getting judged (i.e. an emotional threat). So each emotion has a series of words that describe the intensity of the emotion, it communicates specific information to us which are thoughts, perceptions or beliefs about an event.



While intuition can come in handy in many different scenarios, we should definitely be listening to it in relationships , no matter what form your gut takes. Sometimes it’s even that little voice in the back of our head letting you know that you need to get out of the situation or, at the very least, be wary of it. “Everyone has a different intuitive sense that is stronger,” Some people may get a gut feeling, some may hear a voice, some may see visions, etc. The more you ignore it, the harder it is for the intuition to be able to communicate with us and give us the message it is trying to give.

Although there’s no denying that intuition is a real thing and it’s your choice to either listen to it or ignore, when it comes to your relationship, how can you tell whether your intuition is on point, or it isn’t? Well, it’s all about being mindful and in tune with your thoughts. Here are seven signs your intuition is on point in your relationship, according to experts.

You Get An “Hit” That It’s Time To Talk To Your Partner About Something.

“If you’re getting an intuitive hit about something,” Whether it’s “true” or not, it’s probably signaling that it’s time to have an honest conversation with your partner.

Human beings were born with intuition for a reason, to protect us and bring to light situations that are harmful. If you’re getting that “hit,” it may not mean something bad is happening in your relationship, but it is a sign it’s time to communicate and get to the bottom of things.

You Put Your Fears Over The Possible Outcome.

When your intuition starts kicking in, it can sometimes feel scary. Especially before you know why your intuition is heightened. But if your intuition is on point in your relationship, you put those fears on hold. You realize that knowing the truth is better than living in a constant “what if?” situation. It’s in these moments that you need to start asking yourself some serious questions.

There are times in a relationship when trusting one’s gut can become difficult. Are my fears founded? Or are my fears the romantic “story” that I tell myself? How do we discern between a valid premonition, and a remnant wound formed from too much heartache?

Your Gut Feelings Are Consistent.

If the intuition you’re feeling is every day, day in and day out, you can’t ignore it. The consistency of it is trying to tell you something and it’s your job to listen and listen well.

Fears can be fleeting, but instincts haunt us through repetition. We get the ongoing feeling that “something is wrong.” Though we may not know the reason “why,” we have a chronic sense of feeling unsettled.

Your Intuition Always Has A Message For You — Even When It’s Not 100% Correct.

While intuition is a far cry from the obvious writing on the wall, it is telling us something. If your intuition is telling you that your partner is cheating, it might not be correct, but it still means something else is going on and it needs to be examined.

Gut feelings always have a message for us, For example, it might not be that your partner is actually cheating, but perhaps there’s something one of you isn’t being 100 percent open about. One sign you’re ignoring your intuition, however, is if you keep asking all your friends what they think is going on.

You Can Sense Something Is “Off.”

When you’ve been with someone long enough, you know them in such a deep and intimate way, that even the slightest change can kick your intuition into gear.

Something in our partner’s manner signals a red flag. Our mate may be keeping the same routine as every other day, but this time it feels “wrong.”

You Witness A Pattern Emerging.

When someone is up to no good, or maybe even good, but just keeping a secret, a pattern develops and it’s a partner that can no longer be denied.

What was only a gut feeling now becomes conclusive. A pattern emerges that proves our intuition was on point. We may catch our partner in an obvious lie. We may discover our partner wasn’t somewhere they said they were. Numerous bits of evidence arrive from random sources that confirm our intuition was on target.

Your Intuition Influences Your Partner To Come Clean.

One sign your intuition is on point? Your partner can feel it. Not even the most stealth and sneaky people can keep secrets to themselves forever. Especially when even they realize your intuition is totally on point and there’s no use in them denying it any longer.

Through a combination of guilt and self-consciousness, our partner may choose to unburden themselves by sharing the truth. This confirms that our intuition was correct.

Ultimately, your intuition is your friend. It’s there to guide you, give you a heads up, and, in some cases, even protect you from harm. So trust in it, have honest conversations with your partner, and let it lead you to the truth.