We Don’t Date Anymore.

We make plans just to cancel last-minute because we’d rather stay home alone watching Netflix or play on our phone, then go out with our friends.

We make plans just to cancel with no real reason. With commitment comes fear, expectations, and pressure we put on ourselves.

We don’t go on dates. We meet out for drinks.

We don’t hold open doors or pull out chairs, because the word “chivalry” doesn’t mean much anymore. Splitting a bill is what’s fair, but when did that become out of date
or old fashion?

Talking has been replaced with texting.

Phone calls make people uncomfortable.

This device attached to all of our hands has added ridiculous pressure and unnecessary stress.

Because texting is one thing, but snapchat and texts don’t mean as much. From looking at someone’s story to liking something they post. But don’t do it too quickly because you don’t want to seem eager.

Admitting how you feel has been replaced with not feeling, because the person who cares more gets hurt.

Taking chances on people has been replaced with trusting no one but yourself.

Everyone seems to be overcome with fear of being led on, hurt, or fucked with. We end up doing it to each other.

We don’t approach people when we’re out because we need security that they feel the same way. So we take out our phones swiping, hoping maybe they are there too.

Matches on some apps are just some ego boost because we are curious how someone else might feel, and if they swiped right first.

We don’t always answer.
Then judge people too harshly, without even meeting them in person or giving them a fair shot.

Then we judge ourselves putting filtered versions on everything.
Painting this life we know isn’t real.
Overcome with wanting to make everyone else jealous of what we are doing,
where we are, and how much fun we are having.
When in reality, sometimes we aren’t.

We are all guarded.
And jaded.
And afraid.

We say we want relationships, but we refuse to give up our freedom.
We say we want commitment, but run the first chance someone seems serious about us. Then we call them clingy.

We say we want to be loved, yet we don’t know how to love anyone but ourselves.
Even there I think a lot of people struggle.

Because ghosting has become normal and the slow fade out is acceptable, then we question ourselves.

We’ve replaced the word “goodbye” and finding resolutions with silence, because it’s easier to unfollow someone and block their number then explain what we didn’t like because the truth is, sometimes we don’t even know.

And if you don’t actually say goodbye and end things.
You can come back when you feel like.
And everyone does.
That text out of the blue.
That notification.

If we were all honest with ourselves and our relationships, we’d see how silly it is
some of the things that have become normal.

The word “relationships” has gotten replaced with everything that appears like one, giving people relationship benefits without having to work for it.

Sex has become normal and not something to value.

We go from person to person, struggling to understand what’s missing. When you replace physical relationships with emotional ones, you are always going to feel like something is missing. Because people need both parts.

We shy away from a single person even if we care, because we want our options open.

Everyone says dating is hard, but we don’t make it any easier.
Living according to rules we don’t agree with or understand.

So if you want to change the way we date, start by changing the way you do.

Because maybe you can’t change everyone and you certainly will get hurt sometimes, but if you live according to your own standards even if it conflicts with what is normal, you are eventually going to meet someone who is just as tired of the BS we’ve created. Then together you’ll be happy.

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