1. Someone who makes him wait.
In cards, you don’t play your best card right off the bat. You wait for someone else’s move and gauge what you’ll do based on that. As much as we all just want a good healthy relationship to happen by giving our best, it’s about being a bit coy in the beginning.
It’s about respecting yourself enough to hold off how much you invest and when. If you invest too much too soon, he’s going to think you act this way with everyone, therefore he’ll lose a little respect for you. If he loses respect for you, you’ll lose a little bit of your appeal.
You might have a lot of great qualities and things to offer someone, but knowing when to show those parts of yourself is important.
If you answer quickly every time and you respond with yes, he’s going to think he can text you whenever and you’ll drop what you’re doing for him.
But if you wait and challenge him a bit, he’s going to wonder who you are with and he’s going to want you more because you aren’t with him.
These little games do end, just in the beginning keep a little bit of mystery to it.
2. Someone who respects themselves.
The beginning of a relationship sets the foundation for which everything else is built on. That’s why it’s so important to have a good relationship with yourself. That’s why it’s so important to have self-respect. How you treat yourself reflects how he’ll treat you.
And what you tolerate will be what continues.
People wonder why someone doesn’t treat you well or respect you, it’s because in the beginning you let something slide or you didn’t walk away when he disrespected you or tell him you didn’t like that.
When it comes to sex and waiting…
If you put out immediately, he’ll no longer wonder what it could be like. Sex isn’t the most important thing, but what is important is when you have it and why. The longer you build an emotional connection, the better the sex will be.
If you are sleeping with him quickly it sets the tone for casual and if you don’t want a casual relationship, don’t do things that make him think that.
Value yourself enough to not allow this relationship to be just another physical one on a list of names you forget because you jumped too quickly into it.
3. Someone who challenges him. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically.
Don’t be a pushover. Don’t do things just to appease him. Don’t be easy-going just because you are nice and want him to like you. It isn’t just about him liking you, it’s about you figuring out if he’s worth investing emotion into.
You have to challenge him a bit and test him to see if he’s someone worth it.
What is appealing is someone who isn’t afraid to tell him when he’s wrong or put him in his place. You don’t have to be mean or cocky. Just be confident in yourself with or without him. It’s that confidence that will make you more attractive.
Games end once you have him. But to get there, you can’t be so easy to read.
We are all programmed to be a little more attracted to the person who keeps us on our toes, even if we don’t want to admit it.
When you aren’t afraid to be vulnerable and show him how you feel. But it’s important he earns that trust and you don’t just trust him right off the bat. Giving too much too soon emotionally, will make him nervous and he’ll leave.
Whether it’s physically in the relationship and what happens behind closed doors or physically pushing him to do something he’s never done before because it’s interesting to you.
None of us want someone who is exactly like us. We want someone who is going to push us out of our comfort zone.
4. Someone who is intelligent.
When you are intelligent, it’s attractive.
When you know your shit about a certain subject, it’s attractive.
When you are passionate about things, it’s attractive.
When want to learn and strive to improve, it’s attractive. Ask questions when you don’t know something and make sure you listen to the answers.
The best relationships will be the ones where you learn from each other.
When you are ambitious, it’s attractive.
When you know where you are going and how you are going to get there, it’s attractive.
5. Someone who takes the time to listen.
Listen more than you speak and spend less time thinking about what you are going to say next.
Make a note if you remember what he said. Actively listen and remember the things he tells you. Because you want him to remember things too.
Actively listening shows you have not just self-respect, but respect for him.
Make a point to really remember the things he likes and what he doesn’t. When you remember little details weeks and months down the line, that makes you stand out.
6. Someone who can hold their own.
If he can bring you to an event and he doesn’t have to stand by your side the whole time, that’s important. If you can hold a conversation and you’re one less thing he’s going to have to worry about that night, he’s going to want you around more.
If he can bring you to a family or friend function and you make a point to really get to know the people he cares about, he’s going to make a note of that.
Confidence is key in these situations and even you are nervous, pretend you aren’t.
7. Someone who can teach him without belittling him.
If he doesn’t know something you know, don’t make him feel bad about that. Any relationship is about learning and building each other up. But sometimes people are insecure and instead of helping someone to learn, they bask in the fact they knew something the other person didn’t.
8. Someone who is honest with him.
There will never be a relationship if he can’t trust you or you can’t trust him. People hide things when they feel guilty about something. People hide things thinking they are protecting someone else’s feelings but in reality, it’s childish and sneaky.
Honesty even when it hurts is key.
Tell him you ran into your ex. Tell him so and so hit you up. If he’s confident in you, then nothing will shake that. But if you sneak around and hide things and he finds out, the conversation then changes to, ‘Why did you lie to me and what are you hiding?’ That’s a fight and a conversation you can easily avoid.
9. Someone who supports him.
There are enough people in the world who are going to doubt him, question him and tell him he’s going to fail. He doesn’t need you to be one of those people too. He needs you to be in his corner. He needs your confidence when he’s doubtful. He needs your strength in moments he feels weak.
Support him, his ideas and goals, and amazing things happen when you believe in him.
When he achieves everything he wants, what he’s going to remember are the long days and nights when you had faith in him when no one else did.
10. Someone who thinks for themselves.
Don’t be swayed so easily by his opinion. He doesn’t want that. He wants you to have your own opinions, thoughts, and perspective. He wants someone who is going to make him see something differently. That’s how you grow and learn together.
11. Someone who takes care of themselves.
Having a job, is attractive. Saving money and having a plan, is attractive. Paying your bills, is attractive. Someone who has goals in the future and doesn’t live for today, is attractive. Having your life in order, is attractive.
It’s nice to want to help others but you have to help yourself if you want to give someone else your best. When you take care of someone else in hopes of filling some emotional void, you’ll always feel empty and alone. Take care of yourself emotionally because you will never have a healthy relationship if your emotional wellbeing relies on your relationship status.
Never stop learning. Never stop trying. Never stop wanting to be better. When you challenge yourself mentally, you’ll attract someone who cares about making those same type of strides.
When you love yourself it shows. When you are insecure that shows too. Workout not as punishment but because you deserve to be happy and healthy and your best self. And when you get there, you are going to attract someone who is attracted to your outer beauty then falls in love with your inner beauty.
Looks aren’t the most important thing but being the best version of yourself is, however, you define that.
Don’t lose weight to be in a relationship. Don’t change because you think that will be some major factor. Just strive to be your happiest, healthiest self then watch how your life changes when you become more confident in the person looking back at you in the mirror.
12. Someone who looks towards the future and doesn’t dwell in the past.
If you are constantly worried because of bad relationships and how they ended in the past, it’s going to impact your relationship currently or the relationship that hasn’t happened yet.
Everyone has gotten hurt in the past. Including him. The pain you feel is no different even if you’ve gotten hurt more.
The difference is in how we all carry it and how we feel about it.
A lot of people have trust issues. And sometimes we attract the very thing we claim to fear because instead of looking at this new person as someone who could be part of a healthy relationship, you’re paranoid and thinking of every way you are going to get hurt. Sometimes we project that same outcome we fear.
If you suddenly start telling him everything wrong that happened and how you got hurt and how you’re still healing, whether you intend to or not, you’re adding pressure to him and making someone feel like you are corning him to act a certain way, that will make him retreat.
If he thinks he’s responsible for healing you, that’s going to feel like a lot. Instead just let things flow naturally.
There’s going to be a time to tell him about your past and when that time comes and you trust him, you might not even want to talk about it anymore because you realize he matters right now and what doesn’t is everyone else before him.
13. Someone who doesn’t speak badly of others.
He’s paying attention to how you speak of others. Because those things matter. The energy you put out there, the things you say, it all reflects what you attract or repel.
If he’s someone you like and someone you want to build a future with, be sure to be very aware of how you talk about others and the things you say. A healthy relationship is one where two people will talk more about things and less about people around them.
Who you date reflects who you become in part and he’ll never want to be with someone and commit if this person has negative qualities that won’t make him progress as a person.
It’s about meeting someone and that person pushing you to become someone you can’t be alone. But in order to get there, you have to be able to stand alone on a solid ground without needing a relationship to fulfill you.
We all want that life-changing love that makes us believe in something again. But to get there, it starts with improving the relationship we have with ourself.