Open Topic

If It’s Meant To Be, It’ll Be.

I’d love all the answers. I’d love to look a little ahead of time and know it’s you standing there as I walk down the aisle. But I’m not going to rush that. I’m not going to demand answers neither of us can give each other yet. To rush time when it’s not ours yet, would mean losing what could be.

So we’ll each go our own way. We’ll each live our own lives. Find ourselves before we can find each other again.

I truly believe that when two people are meant to be together, eventually they will be. And it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are. If there is distance and state borders and other people between us. Because I still hold onto this faith that none of those things matter. I still hold onto faith that one day we’re going to get it right.

I mean that’s all I really have. And when you believe in someone that much, suddenly everything that seems complicated isn’t. You figure it out. You make it work.

But knowing when the time is right isn’t up to you.

Maybe right now isn’t our time for forever.

Maybe I’m wrong here.

The only thing I can really be sure of is this connection that doesn’t seem to fade no matter how much time passes. A connection that doesn’t fade no matter how many things in our lives change or we watch as people come and go.

Because the root of it isn’t just a love that’s come and gone in the past, but an unexplainable connection. A friendship. A bond. A genuine concern for one another always. Something that has kept us a part of each other’s lives this long.

Maybe we’re meant to be because we built each other in a way.

If I pulled apart the pieces of myself there would be evidence that you were there. So in a way you’ve never been gone really.

As much as life fills me with doubts and fears sometimes the only thing I’m really sure of is you. I’m confident that as long as you’re next to me everything is going to be okay.

That’s all I have. And that’s enough for me. Enough to keep me going until one day it maybe becomes true.


Open Topic

Benefit Of The Doubt.

Half of me sits here wondering if I’m wasting my time. My time, attention, and patience are being tested with every excuse you make.

“Why do you believe him,” they ask?

As if seeing the good in someone is a flaw. As if wanting to believe you aren’t being lied to is bad.

I want to be right.

I want to believe that you care.

I listen to excuses not because I’m dumb or foolish or desperate for someone’s attention. I do it because I want to be right about you.

It’s tough though when you’re an honest person who means everything you say, you want everyone to have those same intentions.

I’m not naive to think that everyone is like me.

But I’m hoping maybe this time someone might be.

So I tell you “okay” when you want to reschedule.

I forgive you when you cancel the last minute.

I don’t think much about the delays in your responses, even though I answer immediately every time.

I’ve learned to not get my hopes up with you because all you seem to do is let me down.

I’ve come to expect the worst, while secretly hoping maybe I’m the one that will be wrong.

Maybe I’ll be the one who is surprised.

I sit here waiting by my phone wondering when you’ll answer.

Rereading what I sent and was it okay?

I sit here waiting thinking maybe you haven’t read it.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Lying to myself just to not be so on edge.

I’ve learned this much about relationships, the right ones don’t leave you anxious or confused or needing too many chances.

My patience continues to grow thin, but I keep hoping you’ll surprise me.

Why do I waste time on people like you is the question I ask myself over and over again. Giving away chances like they are free samples at Costco. Lighting a match only to burn myself because I should know better by now.

It’s not me who needs to change.

As these mixed signals and leading me on, leaves me paranoid questioning myself, I know it’s you that’s unsure.

I enter most things with confidence. When I care about you, you know.

I don’t play coy or play some complicated game to get your attention.

So it isn’t me and how I feel you’re unsure of, it’s yourself as you wonder can someone like me fit into this life of yours.

You flirt with the idea taking two steps towards me only to retreat back. Because I’m not like the rest of them. I won’t lie to you. I won’t mess with your head. I won’t hurt you.

So as you fumble through excuses I’ve heard a thousand times, leaving me disappointed. I walk away upset but knowing very well putting faith in someone, having hope, even if I have no reason to is what it’s all about.

And if the worst thing you can say about me is, I cared too much and I wasn’t afraid to show it, I can live with that.

Because I know the right person will see the value in that, I just wish it was you and part of me still holds onto hope it might be.