Open Topic

Wanting Something More.

Late night whispers and slurred words turn so quickly into waking up next to a stranger like the night before didn’t happen at all.

A look across the room thinking maybe it could be more.

More than where is this going later?

Will this be just another goodbye?

And numbers exchanged and you’re staring at your phone.

Waiting.

Talking, but is anything actually being said?

Because no one knows how to listen anymore when all anyone cares about is what they are going to say next.

We are all a little jaded when it comes to love.

I know who burned me but I wonder who did the same to you.

Because there was once a time where all of it didn’t scare us so much.

A time when commitment beat not caring.

A time when problems were talked about and worked through and you came out the other side together.

Now the first mistake you make is a goodbye without the word and a compilation of stories ending at another dead-end.

Watching others get it so right wondering where you went wrong this time.

Kissing strangers in a club because that’s what you are supposed to do.

The word relationship stings a lot more for people who want it badly.

When did a text grow to mean so much and a simple answer leaves you feeling less anxious than before.

Because the excuse I didn’t get your text doesn’t work anymore.

And you are staring at your phone every five seconds wondering did you word what you just sent correctly.

When a reply makes you look back at how long it took them to answer.

And you gauge that on when you’ll send the next text.

When you post a story or a picture in hopes just that one person sees it or likes it.

When social media adds validation to how people feel about you simply because everyone is afraid to say they care.

When everyone is so afraid of getting hurt they don’t give people chances.

When you jump too far ahead because you’re afraid of something going wrong, the natural progress of relationships doesn’t happen when you’ve slept with a person so quickly. But that’s become normal.

When first dates turn into job interviews because everyone judges each other a lot more harshly now.

When you cancel, but stay home alone only you keep talking to the person all night.

When running into one another in public is this awkward silence that somehow says everything it needs to.

When rejection paralyzes you so much you fear even making any move.

When they say chivalry is outdated but hope and pray to God it isn’t.

When you want something more than dating that’s become casual.

When wanting to meet someone you have an emotional connection with seems foreign.

When you want someone you wouldn’t be afraid to bring home to your parents.

When staying in with someone on a Friday night just watching T.V is more appealing than going out and blacking out for shits.

When you finally bring someone around during the holidays and your heart beats a little faster because every year before you wondered when that would happen.

When patience and faith that one-day things would change becomes your reality.

When you begin to heal from the past because this person taught you it’s okay to have skeletons in your closet.

When you put your trust in someone and finally they don’t let you down.

When suddenly you are telling this person everything you’re too afraid to say out loud.

When they become a part of your routine.

And you begin leaving things at their place.

When “I” turns into “we” so easily. And you swore you’d never be one of those people.

But with them you are.

When the words I love you don’t leave you empty because there’s comfort in hearing it back.

When you suddenly have another gift to buy at Christmas.

And someone to kiss on New Years.

You look at them and realize it’s okay to have wanted something more.

Because you look them in the eyes and realize…

Every disappointment.

Every letdown.

Every heartbreak.

Every moment of confusion.

Every tear.

Suddenly became worth it as they kiss your forehead saying goodnight and not goodbye.

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Open Topic

Why She’s Single.

You call her jaded when it comes to love but it’s hard to get excited about anyone or anything when the outcome seems to be the same.

You tell her to try harder when it comes to love but every time she does, she comes on too strong and it pushes people away.

You tell her she’s different, but it’s still not enough to appease you.

You tell her not to change, but you still don’t choose her.

You tell her she’s beautiful but what she hears is, not beautiful enough.

You tell her to care less when it comes to love but in a generation of casual hookups, if it means never speaking to the person ever again after leaving the next morning, she’d rather wake up alone.

You tell her she chooses the wrong people but every one of them has her fooled saying and doing all the right things to get her to fall, only they have no intention of catching her.

You tell her to not be so on edge, but how can you not be when ghosting without an explanation has become her norm.

You tell her she’s too guarded, but every relationship she gets herself into is another reason why she needs to watch her back.

You tell her she needs to change and every time she does it’s still not enough. She changes herself so much she forgets who she is.

Fixated upon her reflection, analyzing every flaw. Wondering exactly what it is about her they don’t like.

You tell her to focus on herself, yet all the accomplishments and awards and areas of her life that should attract someone, doesn’t. So she pines after achievements because at least that’s consistent.

You tell her she needs to be more confident, but how is she supposed to when across the board it seems she has everything going for her?

You tell her to not fear love but she looks at the guy standing in front of her who she gave everything to and he broke her.

‘I love you’ slipped out of her mouth only to be met with silence followed by explanations.

She’s tired of people having to justify why this thing that looks and feels like a relationship, will never actually be one.

You tell her she needs to stop thinking so much but when every move she makes is judged harshly, she goes from making moves to be frozen.

You tell her she needs to move on from the past and skeletons that dance with her. But when every step forward leads to them somehow knowing, then she takes three more back because suddenly when she’s not available, they grow more interested.

You tell her she needs to trust more but all she’s learned is the only person she can trust is herself and even in those moments, she questions that.

You tell her to be happy alone but is that bad to want to share a life with someone?

You tell her she needs to put herself out there more. So she downloads apps and goes on dates only to realize very few people’s standards and ideals of what dating actually should be, align with her own.

You tell her all these things and she’s just left confused and alone and not sure what to do.

You tell her to be patient and wait, that the right person will come, so that’s what she’s doing.

Waiting for someone she doesn’t know even exists, but hopes and prays he comes soon.

Lying there alone at night wondering when someone will lay next to her and want to stay.

Standing alone in a bar, making eye contact with strangers. Hoping maybe it clicks. But in a sea of people, she feels more alone, it’s ironic how company can do that to a person.

The truth is, maybe there’s enough alcohol to change her for the night but when she wakes up she still has a heart that’s different than all of them.

So she stumbles out alone as passer-by’s drop lines to ears that are mute because she’s heard it all.

She’s believed it all.

And she learned.

But she holds onto a faith that’s growing weary, as walls build up hoping just maybe someone will care enough to show her it was all of them before who were flawed, not her.

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