You’ve built them up in your head before you’ve gotten to know them.
When you have things in common and suddenly it hits you wow this person “could be” someone I really like, what you’re doing is focusing on those few qualities or interests that are like your own and making that the focal point of attraction.
Instead of taking time to get to know them, you build them up in your head and you fall for the idea of who this person could be for you, instead of who he actually is.
It’s important to not put someone on a pedestal because the moment you do that, you go from attraction to admiration and feel you need to earn their love and affection. When in reality, all you have to do is be yourself.
The moment you classify this guy as someone “perfect for you,” you devalue yourself thinking it’s you who needs to prove you deserve them. What you should be trying to do is prove if this person is compatible for you and if you’d be a good match that compliments each other.
You lower your standards after you’ve fallen.
When you like someone, don’t lower your standards for them. If anything, raise them higher. Show them this is how I want to be treated. The moment you let them get away with little things, they are going to think they can do whatever and say whatever they want and you will fold to their expectations.
When you try too hard to appease someone or change who you are and the things you value, you not only lose their respect, but you suddenly become less attractive in their eyes. I’m not saying play hard to get, but walk into every relationship with the standards and values that are true to who you are and maintain that throughout the relationship.
You think too much.
Overthinking kills relationships that might not even have started yet. Overthinking means you are lacking confidence in who you are and the decisions you are making. Overthinking means you doubt yourself. How can anyone have confidence in you and a potential relationship with you if you aren’t sure of yourself?
I know we all want to say and do the right things and not mess something good up. But when you get too much inside your own head, suddenly the logical choices you make and the ones that seem rational and normal, aren’t.
In the beginning of a relationship sometimes it takes following your head instead of your heart.
You rush things.
Sometimes we want something so badly we push to have it, but any relationship of quality takes time to get there. You don’t just have that relationship that are #goals because you meet someone and declare this is what it’ll be.
You gotta walk before you can run with anything and anyone.
If you want a healthy relationship, let things progress naturally. Everyone knows when they are trying too hard. Everyone also knows when something just feels right.
Take things slow. Do not try to control the outcome. When it involves someone else as all relationships do, we cannot control it so we might as well stop trying to.
You choose the wrong people.
We all have a type. But the problem is, when that type is a toxic, emotionally, unavailable person, and we are sitting back wondering why isn’t this working AGAIN.
It isn’t the person who is the problem, the problem is you choosing that person.
When you choose emotionally, unavailable people, you are setting yourself up for failure. If you really want a healthy and good relationship, don’t choose people who say things like, “I’m not ready for a relationship.” “I’m very into my career right now.”
It isn’t your job to prove you deserve a place in their life, it is your job to give your best and step away from the people who don’t see the value in that.
As much as relationships are about luck and meeting someone who is at the same place we are, it’s also about how we carry ourselves through the beginning stages properly. It’s about taking a hard look at ourselves and realizing the problem might not be them, but there are areas we need to improve on.
When you don’t lower your standards and make strides towards the type of people you deserve, that’s when you’ll get them.