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When You Love Me On My Worst Mental Health Days.

You accept the parts of myself I’m still learning to.

It’s hard to learn to live and function with something you feel controls you. It’s hard to accept a part of yourself you think is your greatest flaw. But when other people accept it, you learn to follow their example.

You show me at my worst people will stay.

I always think people are going to leave. Even though so many have stayed in mind it’s this message that’s stuck on repeat, “everyone you care about is going to leave.” But you don’t. Despite my fears. Despite my irrational thoughts. You might have every reason to go, and as frustrating as it is for me to live with, this thing I wish I could control, you are choosing me time and time again without hesitation or doubt. I should be confident in that, but doubts paralyze me sometimes.

You teach me how to function with this thing I struggle with.

When you have someone supporting you regardless of what you’re dealing, you’ll do well. Yeah, it takes strength within one’s self to beat depression and anxiety and not let it dictate your life every day, but the real strength comes from those willing to lift you when you think you’re about to fall again.

You talk and listen even when I don’t understand what I’m saying to myself.

I still struggle to clearly articulate what depression really is or what anxiety is because it’s more than words I struggle with. But in those moments when I don’t understand what it is I’m experiencing emotionally and physically, you listen.

You listen to the chaos and confusion that is living with a mental health issue and even you don’t understand, someone who is willing to help me try and understand this thing and overcome this thing. There’s something about that.

You realize this isn’t who I really am.

When I’m negative and sad and struggling to get out of bed, you don’t allow who I am in small moments to influence the opinion you have of me. At my worst, you remind me of who I am at my best. On my bad days where I feel weak and not myself, you remind me of how strong I am.

When I’m lost and confused and doubting my choices, you become the confident one when I can’t be and I can’t thank you enough for that.

You counter the lies I tell myself.

Depression and anxiety lie. They tell you you’re alone. They tell you no one loves and cares about you. They tell you people are going to leave you. And that everyone would be better off without you in their life because you’re a burden.

But you counter everything. And even though I’ve begun to learn the difference between the depressed or the anxiety-prone voice and my real one, there is this wave of reassurance that comes when someone is willing to fight this battle with you.

There is a burden taken off your shoulders when you hear the words, “I’m here for you and you aren’t alone.”

You love me unconditionally.

Teaching someone who struggles with mental health that they aren’t as difficult to love as they think they are, is the best thing you can do for someone.

Loving them even when they struggle to love themselves is key to helping them overcome their own demons.

You forgive me.

The depressed version of myself when I’m saying things I don’t actually mean. When I’m so far lost in my own head I can’t decipher fiction from reality. When anxious thoughts overwhelm me and I’m almost intolerable to deal with, you forgive me for the things I can’t control. You forgive me when I say I’m sorry for being this person. And through your forgiveness, I learned to forgive myself in the moment I don’t like who I’ve been.

winning-DXN9D7

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