Sometimes I wonder if I know what love actually is.
Is love only real and validated when you can say you’re in a relationship?
Is love only real and validated when the person loves you back?
There is no single definition of love.
It comes in many forms.
The love between a parent and child.
The love between siblings.
The love between friends.
The love in an intimate relationship.
The love you have for people in your inner circle.
When someone says “I love you,” people don’t question is the relationship deep enough that you can say those things? You love who you love and that can come from whoever and be given freely to anyone.
Whether I know what an accurate definition of love actually is, is up for debate.
Is there a difference between loving someone and falling in love?
Does love fade when you say those words and don’t hear them back, or do they just linger hanging onto to pieces of a broken heart but still present?
Sometimes I wonder if it was love or infatuation. Sometimes I wonder if I made everything up in my head. But how could that be when every time I saw you my heart would physically beat faster? How could that be when my face would get red whenever someone said your name? I couldn’t have made this all up in my head, at least I want to believe that wasn’t the case.
I want to believe I meant it when I said “I loved you.” I want to believe every gesture was in hopes of showing you I cared, not trying to convince you too. I want to believe at least on my end it was real.
And unconditional love, whether you felt the same way or not.
There is no single definition of what love really is. But if I had to describe it simply, it’s like there wasn’t anyone that made me happier. There wasn’t anyone who made me laugh harder. There wasn’t anyone who made me blush the way you did with subtle compliments. And there wasn’t anyone I would have done more for. I literally would have done anything you asked of me. Gone anywhere at any moments notice. If only you asked.
I looked at you and I truly believed you were one of the best things to have happened in my life. I looked at you in a crowded room and it didn’t matter what attention I was getting. My eyes were locked on you and only you. It was looking at someone and despite their flaws or shortcoming, still I think they are the most beautiful person in the entire world and you wouldn’t change a hair on their head.
To me, love is looking at someone and their presence in your life makes you a better version of yourself. When you can have really hard conversations and still walk away with the respect you have for each other. When you hurt one another and say the wrong things but you still find forgiveness because your life without them wouldn’t be as wonderful if they just walked away. It’s wanting to know everything about someone, just the little things. It’s not being able to go a day without speaking to them because every day with them is the newest best day of your life.
It’s the conversations that last for hours and somehow you never run out of things to say. It’s something happening in your day and wanting to tell them first.
It’s hearing their voice and there is a calmness to whatever type of day you are having. It’s going to bed at night and they are the ones you’re thinking of. It’s waking up and they are your first thought.
Maybe I don’t know what love really is. Because maybe the real definition is when someone loves you back. But that’s only part of it. What if love is caring about someone unconditionally whether they can reciprocate it or not? Caring about someone and putting their happiness above your own. Maybe it’s loving someone and not needing it to be returned because those deep feelings are enough for you.
To find someone who can stimulate all those emotions and form that deep of a connection with is rare. And whatever people may classify as love, I think it’s up to you to define it yourself.
But I think at the end of the day, love is finding someone who simply makes you happy to be alive and values the relationship you do have, whatever that relationship may be.
It’s looking at someone and believing you can do anything because they are there. It’s looking at someone and just being happy they exist. It’s being the best version of yourself because of their influence and what they do give you.
And if you are really lucky, the person you love decides to love you back.