Open Topic

I Am Strong, But Exhausted!!

When you’re strong but you’re tired, your faith grows wary. You believe in love, but you also fear it. You look forward to something you don’t even see to be in your future. When all you’ve known is heartbreak, it’s takes strength to believe in anything else. You know you deserve it, but there are moments you don’t think it’ll never come your way. When you’re strong but you’re tired, you just want to give up. You just want to walk away. Stop trying. Stop believing. Stop feeling everything so deeply to the core.

It’s the tears you cry at night that no one knows of. And you have to wake up the next day and pretend everything is fine. Like you didn’t just fall apart and pick up the broken pieces of yourself. You smile and go through the motions, because you have to.

You help others and find solutions for them, but you can’t even help yourself. It’s people trusting you and confiding in you and you don’t want to let anyone down. So you keep pushing through this pain of everything you are feeling. It’s like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, only no one sees it. No one is offering to help. When you make it look easy, it’s hard for anyone to see. When you make it look easy, everyone thinks you can handle it. But part of you wants to just fall to your knees because you’re only human. 

You’re stronger than you even realize. You’re stronger than people give you credit for.

It’s unkindness people show you and you don’t even flinch or respond. And while it hurts sometimes and words break your heart, you choose to not retaliate. You know responding will only make it worse. So you keep your head down in silence and just keep fighting. No one knows how mean people are, but you see it every day. But you choose to not repeat the cycle. That takes strength. To look at yourself in the mirror and not feed into it means you’re ahead of them.

It takes strength to believe in people when you’ve seen them at their worst. It takes strength to believe in love when you are crying yourself to sleep over someone who hurt you. It takes strength to believe in yourself when everyone is doubting every choice you make.

And I know what it’s like to be tired of being that strong. You’re tired of getting hurt. You’re tired of getting disappointed. You’re tired of giving your best only to watch people take advantage of it.

You’re tired of everyone waiting for you to make one mistake. And how easily they forget everything you did right before that. Then you blame yourself because you aren’t perfect. But everyone expects you to not make any sort of mistake. You’re tired of expecting the worst of everyone and everything then watching it become reality. You’re tired of everyone judging you and telling you how you should be living your life. When you’re doing your absolute best but for some reason, it falls short. You’re tired of trying to change who you are and no matter who you try to please, someone else isn’t happy with you. 

It’s exhausting. When you lose yourself trying to please others, nothing about it is easy. It’s exhausting to be the bigger person. It’s exhausting caring about people as much as you do. It’s exhausting staying up late overthinking every mistake wishing you could just make it right.

You think too much about people who care too little.

But you don’t know how to change a heart like yours to do anything different. Because all of it comes so naturally to you.

I know how hard it is to be that strong for everyone. I know how hard it is to care so deeply. I know none of it is easy having a fragile heart in a cruel world that does everything to try to make you cold.

People like you will always know pain at a level deeper than others. People like you will always hurt a little more when it isn’t your pain to feel. People like you will always know this darkness that others never will. But with all these intense emotions you feel so heavy, you also feel the good things and appreciate that more than anyone else.

Value being a person like that. Appreciate a heart that cares so deeply when others have grown cold.

As much as it hurts sometimes, it’s people like you that changes others. It’s the genuine good you bring to the world that fills others with hope and light. There is something rare about someone like you.

There is something beautiful that you don’t see in yourself. When you are constantly looking at others and seeing their beauty and seeing their good, you fail to see your own. But every else does.

You are the hope they look for when all is lost. You are the love you give freely when they feel empty. You are the arms holding them when they feel weak. You are the good the world needs, in one that is ugly and mean.

So I ask you do not change. Do not allow pain to make you feel so depleted. I ask you not to change because the world needs more people like you. So keep fighting as hard as you need to and know you aren’t alone. 

Open Topic

She’ll Regret Letting You Go.

It always fascinates me to see how differently I myself and girlfriends handle getting hurt compared to my guy friends. 

I always wonder is there any one way which is better to handle it? Or does one gender hurt more than the other?

Girls seem to want to talk about it. Analyze it. Reanalyze. Talk some more. Cry.

Guys mention what happened once or twice and drop it. They get drunk. They hook up with someone and they do their best to move on.

Guys are taught from a very young age to not express deep emotions. To put up a front. Pretend. Regardless of how well it might appear how they are doing, only they know if they are hurting.

Girls, on the other hand, will advertise their pain like it’s some tattoo to flaunt. From certain things, they share to using social media to cope. When you have an army of girls behind you, supporting you and telling you it’s their loss, that support helps.

But guys don’t have that. Guys might listen to sad songs that are conveying everything they feel, but they aren’t sharing it on their Facebook wall.

Guys might be falling a part but we’ll never know.

Guys have themselves and their buddies on a night out and just how well they can handle alcohol mixed with the emotions and hiding it.

I truly believe when guys get hurt, they take it a lot harder than girls do. I think they take it harder than we realize. They just aren’t showing it. Because it’s not just a breakup or rejection, it’s a blow to their ego too.

Girls are taught at that same young age how to navigate through pain and feel through things. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to break down in public drunk and crying in the girl’s room.

Imagine if a guy did that?

When guys who are naturally more guarded give their best and their whole heart to someone, it’s a deflating blow being met with rejection. It hurts like hell when you hear her say she’s not ready then you go and watch her date someone else. 

It hurts like hell because I know you are looking in the mirror and as confident as you might appear to be and as well as you carry yourself and the fact you can get anyone else you want and you know that, hurts because the one person you want doesn’t want you.

But trust me, when I say she will regret it. Trust me when I say she will look back and you realize the mistake she made.

When guys give their best to someone they deem worthy of receiving it, even someone who appeared as the biggest asshole comes across as decent and a good guy. Because under the surface of emotions they hide, guys are good.

It just takes the right woman to make him be that.

I truly believe pain they’ve endured dictates how they act and what they do show of themselves.

Show me an asshole, and I’ll show you a guy who got hurt by the love of his life. 

Show me someone who is sarcastic and quick, I’ll show you someone who is insecure and hiding that through making people laugh.

Show me a player, and I’ll show you a guy who got beat at his own game.

But regardless of what type of front guys might appear to have, I do believe regardless of your gender or preference everyone just wants someone to love who loves them the same way.

Regardless of how many times I’ve gotten hurt and by who, I don’t look at it as a flaw in them but rather me not being the right woman for him.

I think every guy secretly wants to find that girl who makes them better. So when you do find that and it doesn’t work out, guys want to close themselves off more.

Guys egos get hurt more than girls do when they are met with rejection.

So if you are dealing with a situation where you’re hurt, no matter how hard you try to pretend you aren’t. You can lie to a lot of people, but I know what it’s like to feel pain and rejection and heartbreak.

I know what it’s like to go to bed thinking about one person and wishing they felt the same way. 

I know what it’s like to stare at your phone wondering when you’ll hear from them again.

I know what it’s like to find any excuse to talk to them and you try to keep them in your life because you care and you hope they will one day too.

I also know what it’s like to drink yourself silly trying to forget a person who gave you so much to remember.

I know what it’s like to look someone in the eyes and think they are perfect. Like suddenly your life makes sense because they are a part of it.

But I also know what it’s like to have the best intentions, yet be taken advantage of and be taken for granted.

I know what it’s like to fight to stay in someone’s life and how much it hurts when they aren’t choosing you.

So you stay busy to keep your mind off it. You talk to other girls. You date and party and sleep around. Hoping someone can fill the void they left you with.

But trust me when I say she will come around and realize what she messed up.

For some reason, people fail to understand what they have when they have it. It’s only after they lose it and realize it isn’t theirs to choose anymore, do they miss the person.

She still knows she can have you if she wants you and that’s what makes you less appealing to her. Don’t give her that satisfaction of thinking you’re just waiting.

When you give your best, when you are honest and good and treat her better than anyone, it’d be impossible to not miss someone like that.

She just hasn’t realized it yet.

When it hits them, they’ll come back around and try. But by that point, you will have already healed. By the time they realize their mistake, you’ll have learned to love yourself the way they should have. And this person will come back into your life saying everything you wish they said sooner when you cared. But you’ll realize it’s too late.

It shouldn’t take someone so long to realize your value and worth. Because the right person will realize it from the start. The right person will reciprocate it. The right person won’t have to lose you or hurt you to realize they messed up.

You deserve the best person there is. And I know you think this girl might have been it. But if she’s the best there is, you still deserve better.