Open Topic

My Favorite Mistake.

From the moment I met you it was there. Even if I couldn’t put my finger on what “it” was. It was something. And in time, it only grew more. With every conversation and interaction, I watched myself fall faster. 

I knew very well this could be a mistake. I knew very well someone like you would hurt me. I walked into this with this knowledge that it’d be in my best interest to run the other way, but I couldn’t seem to. A force I couldn’t explain. A force that drove me closer. It was you. 

It had always been you.

Three words slipped out of my mouth and I almost wanted to apologize. Cause I knew there was nothing you would say back. I knew there was nothing you could say. The words hung in the dark night and that was it. 

But the truth is, I don’t know how to unlove you. 

I don’t know how to unfeel all these things. I don’t know how to unteach a heart like my to not care.

I don’t know how to not smile when I see your name appear on my phone.

Or laugh out loud when you tell a joke even if it’s not funny. 

I don’t know how to ignore you when you’re every favorite conversation of my day. 

Even though I know it might be for the best.

I don’t know how to calm every nerve as my heart races faster knowing I’ll see you. 

I don’t know how to look at you differently. 

I don’t know how to pretend like we’re strangers when you know me better than anyone. I don’t know how to unknow you.

And honestly, I don’t know if I’d want to. 

How do I forget every story you’ve told? Or the ones I’ve been a part of?

 How do I forget the moment I looked at you and just knew I loved you more than anyone?

How do I listen to any of your favorite songs and just pretend I’m not thinking about you? 

How do I go to those places and not be brought back to moments when it was you and I there? 

I don’t know how to unlove you. 

I don’t know how to forget. 

I don’t know how to forget someone who has given me so much to remember. 

I don’t know how to unmake what turned out to be my favorite mistake.

Because if loving you was a mistake, it’s one I’d make a thousand times over again.


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