I get tired of relationships without the label.
I get tired of hookups that don’t lead to something of a commitment.
I get tired of lies and being told just what I want to hear.
I get tired of the one days and the promises that are never fulfilled.
I get tired of being let down and disappointed because we aren’t dating and you don’t have any obligation to me.
I get tired of talking every day then being told we’re just friends.
I get tired of leaving late at night and knowing it will never turn to morning. Or early mornings that will never lead to afternoons as I tiptoe out of the room with shoes in one hand. I get tired of knowing I’ll hear from you later but you never want me enough to stay.
I get tired of being jealous because we aren’t dating and I don’t have a right to be.
I get tired of texts that come late at night when you don’t care to ask how my days is.
I get tired of not knowing what to call you when I introduce you to someone.
Because friends don’t look at each other the way we do.
Friends don’t talk the way we do. Friends don’t kiss each other or hold each other as we do.
I get tired of questioning myself wondering why I’m not enough to get you to commit.
I get tired of analyzing my flaws wondering if it’s me that needs to change.
I get tired of being so confused all the time. Because one day, it’s this and the other day it’s that.
I get tired of wondering when and if I’ll meet your family because you keep telling me I will. But in my heart I know they probably don’t know who I am.
I get tired of wondering what this is as I reread every text.
I get tired of hearing all the right things, but that’s all they are is words beautifully scripted that I want to believe.
I get tired of every hope being met with disappointment.
I get tired of expecting the worst of someone.
I get tired of hearing the words I love you followed by but…
I get tired of spelling out exactly how I feel, only to be met with feeling empty.
I get tired of meeting up with you knowing with certainty, you’re going to leave.
I get tired of hearing the timing isn’t right, so I bank on waiting and hoping and wishing.
I get tired of wasting my time on someone I can’t seem to walk away from.
Someone whose text I can’t seem to ignore.
Someone who I meet all the way when they don’t even bother to meet me half.
Someone who knows how to play me. What to say. What to do.
And I’m like some puppet in their strings.
Or some pawn in their game.
I’m tired of holding onto something I should let go of.
But more than that, I’m afraid. I’m afraid to discover it was only me holding on.