The problem is, you knew exactly how she felt about you from the start. You knew that you couldn’t reciprocate it. But you still let her fall.
Maybe you thought you were being nice. Maybe there was comfort in having her there but while she was trying so hard to be what you needed, she was falling even harder for you.
And maybe you didn’t think much of the little things, but it was those things that meant everything to her.
It was the time you got to spend together, where maybe you thought twice about her and the relationship.
She felt it too and she knows it wasn’t a one-sided feeling. Something like that was too strong to be.
It was eye contact that lasted longer than it should have.
It was a hug or a simple gesture as your arm brushed against her and she felt it from her head to her toes and an electric feeling of something that was there.
It was looking at her across the room, and she knew you were watching her.
It was in that moment she mustered the courage to say I love you and seconds felt like hours as her face got red waiting, but then you said it back.
It was every text you sent her, when you thought of her as you saw something.
It was every snap chat you sent just to let her know, I’m doing this and thinking of you.
It was every time she left and you told her you missed her.
It was every time you said every right thing. You knew exactly what you were doing.
You made her think she had a chance with you.
It was every song and book you shared, that she replayed or reread because she liked thinking of you.
It was the likes, tags, and comments that she woke up to smiling, just seeing your name on her screen.
It was every time you posted something, she knew you wanted her to see it, but what she didn’t know was why.
Because here you were attempting to get her attention when in reality, you had it this whole time.
But the thing was, you weren’t making any moves or trying.
Instead, you just let her live in this limbo of maybes and what ifs.
And while you were fumbling through confusion, she was growing more confident in how she felt.
Maybe you weren’t ready for someone like her. But the world doesn’t ask if you’re ready to meet the right person, they just bring you to them and hope you realize how lucky you are and act accordingly.
But you didn’t.
So instead of her walking away, she stayed. A stream of questions ran through her mind wondering why she wasn’t good enough for you. Wondering what she could have done more. Fixating upon flaws because obviously, it was her not good enough.
Then you had the nerve to turn around and make her feel guilty for feeling these things for you.
Like it was her fault she fell in love with you but in reality, you led her to feel all these things.
You led someone on who would never hurt you or do the same.
The worst thing you can do is let someone fall for you and not be there to catch them.
You can’t simply touch someone’s heart, become so close then wonder why they feel a certain way about you.
That’s not fair.
That girl loved you. She loved you enough to go along with whatever this thing was that you claim wasn’t anything. She loved you enough to not say anything about how she felt, but quietly try to be what you need. Then she loved you enough to tell you when she thought the time was right, only to be met with rejection and you confused.
If you’re confused about why she feels this way, imagine how confused she is wondering why you don’t, as she replays in her mind how she misread all those signals.
And now she’ll love you enough to not chase you after you freaked the fuck out about how she felt.
She loves you enough to let you go because she’s still trying to be selfless here, as she picks up the pieces of her broken heart smiling at you and saying no unkind words as you go.
Because she still loves you. And you don’t see it yet, but the heart that loves when you break theirs is the person you end up missing most.