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Loving Too Hard.

I don’t know how to half-ass love. I don’t know how to half-ass many things really. I don’t know how to give only half my heart when it comes to anyone or anything. I don’t know how to step into things and relationships gradually. I jump into it all, but fully giving every part of myself to the person on the receiving end. 

I love people how I think it should be, completely with everything I have in me. Maybe it’s overwhelming but it’s all I’ve known and I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not.

When it comes to relationships I give my best always. It doesn’t matter what you have to offer. If you give me your time and attention, you will always get my unconditional love for it.

I think love and relationships are a lot more simple then we make them out to be. If I like you, I’ll tell you. If I like you, I’ll make plans to see you. I won’t make it complicated or try to trick you. I won’t lead you on if I’m not feeling it, and I won’t waste your time if that’s so. I won’t play some game to win over your affection. And I won’t waste my own time if you’re unsure of me.

You’ll always have my full attention. 

I’ll always be honest with you.

I’ll always be someone you can trust.

I’ll always be someone you can rely on and confide in when you need to.

I’ll always build you up and believe in you and support you no matter what the idea is or how crazy it may seem to others.

My love comes in the form of gestures I don’t expect reciprocated. The truth is, I gain a lot by just giving and I don’t do it with coy motives. I do those things because it makes me happy to see you happy.

I’ll always go out of my way for you. I’ll drive five hours just to see you for one if you are someone who matters.

I’ll spend money I might not even have, if it puts a smile on your face.

If you ask me to do something or be somewhere or you need me, the answer will always be yes, and even if it’s complicated I’ll figure out a way to make it work.

I think really deeply about most things and I’ll always be thinking of you and what I can do.

I’ll always go out of my way. 

I’ll always do more than expected.

I’ll always answer really quickly even when you don’t.

I’ll always try to keep the conversation going.

I’m always going to make an effort to show you I care.

I’m blunt to a point where it might be a flaw, but I say exactly what I think.

The reason I’m like this is because I’ve been on the other side of it.

I’ve been sitting there staring at my phone wondering why he hasn’t answered.

I’ve been mind fucked by games that I swore I wasn’t playing then next thing I know, I’m already in too deep.

I’ve woken up the next day next to someone and I thought there was something there only to find out, the relationship ended the moment I walked out those doors and I knew I’d never hear from him again.

I’ve been on the other side listening to lies I know aren’t true and nodding, because that’s easier than calling someone’s bluff.

I’ve listened to I love you followed by a but. And I swore if I ever said those words, I would never allow a fragment to follow it contradicting everything.

Because love doesn’t hurt. The right relationships don’t leave you empty. And love is the only thing that will heal you if you’re brave enough to let it into your life.

I’ve been in relationships where I was too afraid to end it and denying the truth just hurt more.

I’ve been the void someone uses to fill their emptiness, only to find humans can’t be homes for healing the heartbreak caused by another.

I’ve heard the word “just friends” more times than I can count. But we weren’t friends last night.

I’ve heard every excuse in the book and every backhanded compliment, and I swore I’d never make someone feel that way.

I never wanted to be the reason someone questions their worth.

I’d never want someone to think them at their best doesn’t deserve me.

I never wanted to hurt someone or lead them on because I was unsure of my own feelings.

I could have turned cold and heartless. But even if I tried, it wouldn’t come naturally to me. 

What comes naturally is, loving people with everything I have, giving my best always.

What comes naturally is, watching these people fall short of simplistic expectations and not changing.

It is either my greatest strength or greatest weakness that heartbreak doesn’t make me disbelief in love, but until I get it right, I’m going to keep loving with everything I have in me, even in those moments I want to give up.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about loving this hard, is it’s not that I’m doing it wrong, it’s that everyone else is. 

Open Topic


Breadcrumbing. Ghosting. Cushioning. Breezing. Curving. Soft Nexting. 

Breadcrumbing- I’m going to flirt with you via text and on every form of social media, but not do anything about it in real life.

Ghosting- I’m going to drop the fuck off the radar with no reason as to why, other than I feel like it.

Cushioning- I’m going to have a list of backup people just in case the number one person fades out.

Breezing- I’m going to be blunt and forward and just not give a fuck. And you are probably going to judge me for it.

Curving- I’m going to kind of ghost you, only I’m going to keep you around and duck out of any real conversation where you bring up committing to plans.

Soft Nexting- I’m going to kind of ignore you for a few days then just when I start to miss you, start up a conversation like nothing is wrong.

We’ve come up with so many creative terms on how to be a low key asshole. I don’t know when everyone woke up one day and was like let’s just confuse the shit out of each other constantly. We fear asking for what we want because we don’t really know. So instead, we keep everyone in a clusterfuck of confusion because that’s dating today.

We are a generation where everyone is constantly seeking the next best thing.

It’s a generation where no one is satisfied.

It’s a generation where caring stopped being cool.

Feelings and attention people, reject and everyone is contributing to this problem that they complain about.

We are swiping on apps not even sure what we are looking for. 

We are unmatching people simply because they said hi too quickly, so we label them as desperate.

We stalk the shit out of someone finding everything we possibly can about them before meeting up, then there’s nothing to talk about and nothing to learn.

We wonder why we aren’t having successful relationships, but everyone fears going on a real date. But the bigger problem is, I don’t think anyone even knows what a real date is these days. The closest we get to dating today, is meeting for drinks if you happen to be close and the night ending in a hookup.

But I find myself thinking where did I and an entire generation go wrong? When did dating become so simple but complex?

I think chivalry and standards are the things we need to bring back.

You urban dictionary it and the first 5 definitions include dead.

I still believe in holding open doors and pulling out chairs and taking someone’s coat.

I believe sincere compliments should be given without motives.

I still believe in a guy walking on the outside of the sidewalk.

I still think paying even when the person is willing to split it, shows a sign of respect.

I still believe in picking someone up and driving them home after a date.

I believe in keeping your word and calling when you say you will.

Not texting. Calling.

I still believe in sending flowers after you’ve had a good time.

I still believe sex is kind of a big deal and not just something to do.

I still believe in committing to one person if you like them and not keeping your options open.

I still believe public display of affection isn’t something to flaunt, but kissing her forehead is.

I think that meeting someone’s parents is kind of a big step.

I don’t believe in dating games or messing with someone’s head, no matter how socially acceptable it might seem today. 

I don’t think texting back quickly is a sign of weakness or desperation.

I still believe in being brutally honest always and communicating exactly what you think, because communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

I believe in respect, but more than that, I believe in self-respect.

Maybe all these things make me old fashion and out of date and crazy to expect this day in age, but I have a set of standards I refuse to lower until someone meets them.