Open Topic

Suicidal Thoughts And Feelings.

No matter how much pain you’re experiencing right now, you’re not alone. Many of us have had suicidal thoughts at some point in our lives. Feeling suicidal is not a character defect, and it doesn’t mean that you are crazy, or weak, or flawed. It only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. But with time and support, you can overcome your problems and the pain and suicidal feelings will pass.

Some of the finest, most admired, needed, and talented people have been where you are now. Many of us have thought about taking our own lives when we’ve felt overwhelmed by depression and devoid of all hope. But the pain of depression can be treated and hope can be renewed. No matter what your situation, there are people who need you, places where you can make a difference, and experiences that can remind you that life is worth living. It takes real courage to face death and step back from the brink. You can use that courage to face life, to learn coping skills for overcoming depression, and for finding the strength to keep going. Remember:

1.Your emotions are not fixed – they are constantly changing. How you feel today may not be the same as how you felt yesterday or how you’ll feel tomorrow or next week.

2.Your absence would create grief and anguish in the lives of friends and loved ones.

3.There are many things you can still accomplish in your life.

4.There are sights, sounds, and experiences in life that have the ability to delight and lift you – and that you would miss.

5.Your ability to experience pleasurable emotions is equal to your ability to experience distressing emotions.

Many kinds of emotional pain can lead to thoughts of suicide. The reasons for this pain are unique to each one of us, and the ability to cope with the pain differs from person to person. We are all different. There are, however; some common causes that may lead us to experience suicidal thoughts and feelings.

Although it might seem as if your pain and unhappiness will never end, it is important to realize that crises are usually temporary. Solutions are often found, feelings change, unexpected positive events occur. Remember: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Give yourself the time necessary for things to change and the pain to subside.

Even though you’re in a lot of pain right now, give yourself some distance between thoughts and action. Make a promise to yourself: “I will wait 24 hours and won’t do anything drastic during that time.” Or, wait a week. Thoughts and actions are two different things—your suicidal thoughts do not have to become a reality. There is no deadline, no one’s pushing you to act on these thoughts immediately. Wait. Wait and put some distance between your suicidal thoughts and suicidal action

Don’t let fear, shame, or embarrassment prevent you from seeking help. And if the first person you reach out to doesn’t seem to understand, try someone else. Just talking about how you got to this point in your life can release a lot of the pressure that’s building up and help you find a way to cope.

Remember that while it may seem as if these suicidal thoughts and feelings will never end, this is never a permanent condition. You WILL feel better again.

Open Topic

One Door Closes, Another Opens.

You used to text her first, and be the one to make plans. 

You used to ask questions you wanted to know the answers to.

You used to say thank you and be impressed by all she did.

You used to look forward to seeing her.

And want her around.

You used to miss her when she left, and tell her not to go.

She used to be every thought when your mind would wander.

And that text during a busy day, that made you smile. 

You used to say “I love you” first, and you meant every word.

You used to think you were the lucky one.

But somewhere along the way, you began to expect things of her.

You did things because you felt you had to, not because you wanted to. 

And suddenly you stopped meeting her halfway.

You told her when and where to come.

Only to cancel hours before.

Because suddenly, her love and presence became inconvenient.

But did you ever stop to ask, “was it inconvenient for her waking up next to someone and feeling lonely?”

You stopped answering when you wanted.

And she fumbled through confusion wondering where she went wrong. 

Running over details of when things might have changed.

Everything became expectation instead of appreciation.

She looked forward to hello, but feared every goodbye.

She wanted to talk, but you never wanted to listen.

And in conversations, words were filling time and space, but nothing was being said.

You loved her.

At least once upon a time you did.

But the love ran dry, and there was no denying there was nothing new to feel.

And you felt a little guilty for all of it.

You liked her for the way she made you feel about yourself. 

And how she built you up, but all you did, was knock her down.

There was a confidence to someone always answering and someone always being there.

The truth was, she made it easy for you.

And the less you tried, the more effort she put in. Trying to give you any reason to stay.

Because the only thing harder than falling out of love is, being in love and watching someone fall out of love with you. Knowing you can’t do anything about it.

You stopped being what she needed and she stopped being what you wanted.

So you stopped trying.

And suddenly you were familiar strangers afraid to make any move because you knew any step forward, would be one that was destined to be apart.

You were caught somewhere between holding onto the past and future, that didn’t include each other.

The truth was, you ran out of things to say.

But she still loved you.

She still chose you. 

And it broke her heart when she realized she’d have to choose herself now.

Because in a crowded room where she felt alone, invisible, and empty, giving pieces of herself to make you whole, she caught the eye of a stranger.

He asked if she was seeing anyone. And the truth was, yes. But she shook her head because she knew she couldn’t hold onto something that was fading.

And that goodbye got replaced with a new hello.



Open Topic

When Anxiety Fucks With You.

When you have anxiety, you think everyone is going to leave.

Your best friend. Your boyfriend. Your family (if they had a choice.) 

Because this thing you didn’t choose is trying to convince you that all of who you are is defined by one word. Anxiety.

It’s one wrong text message.

One tone you didn’t even mean to speak in.

Another night out of things you only half remember, with a help of a drink too many.

One conversation you wonder if you told too much.

It’s a text unanswered that sends your mind wandering.

And a call that goes right to voicemail.

It’s a second text to clarify.

Just hoping they will answer.

Even though you know you should have waited.

It’s looking at your best friend of a decade plus and doubting them. 

Not for anything they did, but for something you haven’t even done yet.

Self-doubt. Questioning. Analyzing. Overthinking.

It’s the waiting for people to leave. 

It’s ruining something before it even begins.

It’s goodbye without the word that becomes an expectation.

It’s the nights that keep you up tossing and turning.

It’s not hearing from someone for a while and thinking they are mad.

Even though realistically, they have no reason to be.

It’s an apology you don’t have to say, yet you feel you need to.

Just to ease your mind.

People ask about enemies and the only one you’ve known, is yourself.

Trapped inside your mind that keeps you, prisoner.

Pushing people away, that you want to stay.

But you don’t want to burden or bother them with a problem that’s your own.

It’s the want and need, to just hear words that “it’s okay.”

That confidence boost that will shift everything.

You feel guilty even asking.

But you want to just hear that they won’t go.

Because when your mind plays tricks on you and tells you, everyone you care about, will leave you and you don’t want to believe it.

But part of you does.

You didn’t choose this, so why would anyone want to choose you?

That’s the voice you hear on repeat. 

And you don’t want to come across as clingy, but you care.

You care too much and think too little.

You love too hard, but everything about you is soft.

You try to overcompensate, just to give them a reason to stay.

But what you don’t believe is, they are choosing to be here because they want to be.

Because you aren’t as bad, intolerable, and unlovable as you think you are.

Anxiety is just trying to trick you into believing you are all these things.

But if you look around for just a moment, you’ll realize the people who matter, haven’t gone anywhere.