Open Topic

Letting Go.

Letting go is losing that hope that one day you’ll get it right or get back together. 

Letting go is stopping yourself the moment your mind begins to wander and think, ‘what if?’ 

It’s trying so hard to forget about the past and what is a false future. 

Letting go is deleting that text you want so bad to send. Because you know it’s better not to.

It’s untagging those pictures because as much as you don’t want to move on, you have to.

Letting go is forgiving someone for hurting you. 

Forgiving someone for not being able to love you back. 

It’s understanding that some things just aren’t meant to be and there is a sad peace to that. 

Letting go is something you have to do every single day. 

It’s a deliberate choice you have to make and that one baby step towards healing. 

Letting go is forgiving yourself for the pain you’ve caused in the time you’ve held on longer than you should have.

It’s forgiving yourself for the time you wasted knowing, even so, you wouldn’t take it back.

Letting go is that acceptance that sometimes people aren’t meant for our future even if it’s something we imagined so clear would one day be a reality. 

Letting go is walking away loving someone for everything they are and everything they couldn’t be.

It’s waking up and reaching for your phone knowing you won’t see their name there. 

It’s the smile despite the tears because you wouldn’t trade the good stuff for anything. 

It’s crossing paths with them and it’s killing you to do so because the truth is, you still love them but you painfully accept you aren’t a part of their story anymore. Even though they were the favorite part of yours. 

Letting go is holding onto faith that what you deserve is right around the corner even though you can’t imagine anyone else. 

Letting go is a process. 

It won’t just happen overnight. 

It’s that pain in your chest that doesn’t just go away. 

And the tears you cry longer than you’d like you. 

Because letting go and moving on isn’t the hardest thing in the world, the hardest thing is staying moved on.

Most the time we don’t want to let go, out of fear of that realization that is was only us holding on this whole time.


Open Topic

Homebody.

A homebody isn’t the person who hates socializing but the one who is selective in their schedule and values their time. 

It’s not the one who is too lazy to get ready, but rather the one who likes ending the week in sweats, in a t-shirt, with no makeup on. 

A homebody isn’t someone who doesn’t like partying, it’s just someone who already went through the phase and knows it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Or it’s that person who never appealed to such a lifestyle.

There’s a comfort in home. A comfort in relaxing. A comfort in Netflix alone and not feeling lonely. 

It’s someone who recharges in moments of solitude.

It’s the person who doesn’t suffer from fear of missing out going through a newsfeed of snap-stories.

It’s someone who is completely okay with where they are right now and confident in that. 

And it isn’t that they don’t get invited places they do, but they don’t feel the pressure to go sometimes. 

And it’s not like they stand alone wishing they were home. They make their appearance, valuing most their time and they won’t stay somewhere they don’t want to be. 

A homebody puts themselves first knowing their emotional well-being is more important than their social calendar.

It’s the person whose perfect date is one on the couch, watching a movie, eating pizza and having wine. Instead of wasting too much money at some fancy place in shoes that hurt. 

A homebody is completely content with everything and every choice they make. 

It’s the ones who would rather be around their family on a Friday night instead of at a crowded bar full of strangers.

The ones who go to bed the time others are going out.

They aren’t comparing themselves to others. The only track they’re on is one that makes them happy.

It’s the person who truly loves home and looks for any excuse to stay. 

The truth is, they aren’t anti-social. They just have different priorities. 


Open Topic

Relationship Over Friends.

I used to shame people for doing just that. The ones who dropped friends because someone new came I thought would quickly leave. I thought who were they to put me second when I’ve stood by their side and was loyal. I used to hate watching my friends in relationships and the truth was, it was me that was selfish because what I wanted was someone to go out with.

Then it happened to me.

They said I changed. But the only thing that had really changed about me then was my relationship status.

Suddenly this person came into my life unexpected and everything about it was so easy.

And I was caught somewhere between the life I had come to know and one I had only ever dreamed about. A life with the perfect relationship. And I know there isn’t such a thing, every couple has their issues but this was different.

We might not have been perfect, but at the time we were perfect for each other.

And as a result of someone new coming into my life, what changed were my priorities. Suddenly he was it.

The truth is, if a relationship isn’t changing you or challenging you, it isn’t the right one to be in.

So maybe I did change. My smile became bigger. My laugh became louder. The words “I’m happy,” actually held meaning when in the past I was really good at faking it.

And a lot of people didn’t understand how someone so independent, never needing anyone suddenly had prioritized some guy, I considered my better half.

But the truth was, I was still that person just with someone other than myself cheering me on.

He made me a version of myself I was so proud of. So I didn’t need to apologize or explain this shift to people.

And maybe I became less fun according to your standards.

I opted out of parties more often than not. I’d choose to stay in with a bottle of wine laughing while watching Netflix. 

I opted out of Sunday brunches hungover with the girls because he had a family thing he asked me to attend and I was happy about it.

I opted out of short skirts and low cut Ts at the club because the truth was, the only person I cared about impressing was the same one who kissed me goodbye and told me he’d wait up for me.

And maybe there were a few nights I ducked out early, but I liked having someone to come home to.

The truth was, I missed him even before we’d say goodbye.

That party girl throwing back shots and running the beer pong table was simply a phase for me.

And it was a phase I didn’t regret, but I wasn’t that person anymore.

Why would anyone want to go out and meet people and pretend to be single and get free drinks when the best thing in their life is home?

That bar scene was a comfort zone for me, but like any comfort zone, nothing new would come of it.

The truth was, I always wanted something a little more and that life was the first thing to go when I found that something.

There wasn’t a party, friend or night out that compared to waking up next to someone who chose me every day.

There isn’t a feeling like standing in a crowded room and making eye contact with your person across the room, and falling in love with simply a look. And every day I spent with him, I fell deeper into love.

So I don’t think I or anyone should be shamed for choosing a relationship over friends.

Because yes, you’ll be standing there at my wedding giving embarrassing speeches of how we got here today. But the person I’m standing next to is the one who gets my forever.

Friends are just the people who get you there. The ones who dry your tears, comfort you in moments of confusion, stand by you when you’re making mistakes and love you unconditionally. So maybe my friends deserved or deserve more but I truly believe friends are simply the people who guide you and remind you, and are there until someone proves they are worthy of taking their place.

The truth is, I’ll always be your friend. I’ll always answer that call at 2 am. I’ll be the first over with ice cream and wine when someone hurts you. The friend in me hasn’t changed. And the love we have for our friends will never diminish. It’s just a love that gets shared when you meet the right person.

Open Topic

I Don’t Know How To Unlove You.

How do you even begin to get over someone who was your favorite part to the day?

How do you get up and move on when your heart is still invested in one person?

How do you go on dates and give anyone a fair shot when you just wish it was them the whole time?

The honest truth is, I’m at a loss for words and I don’t know where to go or what to say or how I’m going to move on from you.

Because as much as I need to move on part of me isn’t ready to.

Everyone says there are so many other people out there. But when you meet the right person or the person you think is the right one, it’s hard to live your life knowing they are out there and the only one you want is them.

How do you just turn off love so simply like it isn’t something that’s consuming you?

How do you erase someone from your mind when they are every thought, no matter how busy you are or try to be?

How do you erase someone from your heart when you didn’t choose to fall in love with them?

They are every thought before your eyes even open and every last thought before they shut and without even being able to control it, they meet you in dreams you wish were a reality.

They are still the ones you want to talk to every day. The ones you want to turn to when things go wrong or things go right.

They are simply everything. How do you make that go away? 

Because if it’s true, that distance makes the heart grow fonder then the separation will just make that love you aren’t supposed to fall into, deeper.

I shouldn’t want someone who doesn’t want me. I shouldn’t want someone who has made pain feel so comfortable in my life.

You’re the last thing I should want, but you’re also the only thing I want.

And every day without you in it feels like a marathon of my life in your absence.

So I don’t know how to make that go away.

And everyone says time will heal any aching heart but right now in this moment, everything hurts.

And I want it to stop.

But there’s a hope to this sadness that consumes me, I find comfort in knowing someone like you exists in the world.

And if love was a choice and you told me, all this would end in a puddle of my own tears, I don’t think I’d change anything about it. 

Because you awoke a heart that was afraid to feel anything so deeply.

You taught me how to love again and you’ll be the same person who teaches me how to fall out of it.