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Depression Is A Roller Coaster.

If you look at me, you’d never know the word depression is this invisible cloud that hovers over me.

If you scroll through my Instagram you’d never see me post about my “bad days.” You’d see my favorite parts of my life and the moments I truly am happy. Those are the moments I enjoy capturing and sharing with people.

If you talk to me, you’d notice how every conversation is positive. You’d notice how everything I say is motivating and a valiant attempt to lift your spirits.

I won’t talk about sad things or negativity. Because the honest truth is, I’m not sad all the time but when those moments hit, they are horrible and the only thing I’d like to share with anyone is the fact I’ve been there too.

Living with depression doesn’t mean I’m the saddest most negative person in the whole world. Yeah, I have my moments. Moments that no one will ever see because I’ve learned how to manage it but I’ve seen every up and down within myself. And if those really bad moments where I’m alone crying have taught me anything, it’s to appreciate every good day a little more.

The honest truth is, I’m able to bring others out of dark places because I’ve had to navigate through the dark myself. I’ve walked alone in moments of such darkness but it was there I learned to appreciate the light. I’ve isolated myself and pushed people away. It was in those moments I learned every time I told someone to leave, what I really wanted was for them to stay. 

I’m not afraid to sit with you in silence. I don’t think it’s uncomfortable. I don’t need to help you find every answer. Because the truth about depression is, there’s nothing I can fix about it.

I can help you manage it. But we can’t fix it. We can’t make it just go away.

There will be days that sneak up on me and knock me out from my knees. There will be moments where I’m on the floor crying in a ball and I do not have the strength to get up. There will be tears that flood everything about me to the point where it feels like I’m actually drowning.

Then there are moments where I catch my breath and I fight the hell back from this thing that tries to drag me down. There are moments where I feel blind in the darkness and it makes me run faster towards the light. There are moments where I feel so alone but I have to remember this loneliness is a lie trying to paralyze me.

Depression can make me my best worst self in a 24 hour period. I can go from crying my fucking eyes out to feeling through that, stepping away from it, moving on and trying again.

And it’s there I see strength in a reflection that might be filled with black tears looking back at me.

It’s often right after my worst moments. I become my best self. That’s the beauty of it really.

Depression is a rollercoaster of these emotions I wish I could control but in reality, it’s just a ride I’ve learned to not be scared of.

Do not fear every bad day. 

Do not feel guilt for when they creep up on you.

Do not feel less for crying when you need to, even when you can’t understand why.

Sometimes it’ll just happen.

But those emotions, those days, they don’t last.

The ups and down will come. And maybe they come a lot of violently and abruptly than the average person. But it’s okay.

Depression does not define me, but how I bounce back from it does.


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Life After That Final Whistle.

It’ll be almost three years since I was a student-athlete on a real team. 

The last day I looked at myself in the mirror with a number that I’ve only ever worn my whole life. 

Three years ago I shook the last hand of the opponent looking at the scoreboard before leaving the gym one final time. 

Ask any athlete they can tell you about their last game and their last few moments before handing in their uniform.

I entered the life of Non-Athletic Regular People. A life without practices or schedules or any obligation to anyone other than myself. 

But if you ask any athlete about their athletic career, maybe some will tell you about the records they broke, the titles they earned, the awards that came along the way of devoting their life to a single sport. 

But more that they will tell you about the people who made every win a little sweeter by sharing in the moment. Who made every loss a little more tolerable because it was in the silence you shared in your sadness. The person who pushed you a little more to be a little better both on the court or field and off. 

This isn’t a story about losing the game, this is about the people you met along the way that made the game you fell in love with as a kid something even better.

This is to every coach who has ever pushed you to be more and be better. 

To every coach who has ever doubted adding fuel to a fire just so you can prove them wrong. 

This is to every off-season alone because you were training for something bigger than yourself. 

Yes, you were playing for a title and a record, but you were also playing for each other. 

You were giving 100% not just for yourself, but because that’s what your teammates deserved of you, your best.

The relationship between teammates isn’t like a regular friendship, sure it’s that too but there’s a bond that’s greater there. 

It was the weekends in hotel rooms where you sat up at night just talking. 

It was the hours on the bus and every road trip to get somewhere and do something just to walk away with that win. 

It was the cramming for exams and having someone who also couldn’t go to that party. 

It was the daily stresses and you having someone always to turn to. 

It was the celebrating and nights out, where in that moment you were all together and knew very well “this won’t happen again.” 

It was a unity. Because you weren’t just bound by being on the same roster and wearing the same uniform. It was something bigger than both of you. 

As you think back to your athletic career, it’s the people you shared it with that made it worth it. 

You’ll remember the big games. You’ll remember what it felt like getting that final point before the buzzer and everyone going wild. But what you remember most is that eye contact you made with the person who was there by your side through it all. Those are the moments seared in your memory never to be forgotten.

And no matter how much time passes. It’s your team you won’t forget. 

And you may move on to the real world and find it biting you in the ass a bit.

You may start playing again, pickup games here and there. But it will never feel the same

You’ll think back to when times were as simple as that sport being your life and nothing else mattering. When your biggest problem wasn’t about rent or work, but rather will you be in shape for preseason?

You’ll look back at it all knowing very well something good wasn’t gonna last forever, but the relationships you built in those years would.

And as time passes, you still find yourself introducing these people as your teammate first and friends second. The truth is, you weren’t just teammates and friends, you became family. And while games ended and new seasons begun with rosters that didn’t have your names on it, that family you made along the way was something of forever.




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Choose Your Battles Wisely.

I know that you’re the type of girl who stands for what she believes in.

A girl who can’t keep still while there is injustice going on around her, a girl who is always giving her best to do the right thing and a girl who thinks she can change everyone for the better, if she just tries hard enough.

Even though having this kind of spirit is awesome, I have to burst your bubble and tell you to loosen up, to become a little more realistic and to get your head down from the clouds.

You’re not a kid anymore and it’s time to realize that you can’t save the world, as much as you’d like to.

It’s time for you to start appreciating your own time and energy and to stop wasting either of them on irrelevant people and situations.

Time to choose what and who are worthy of your maximum effort.

You simply have to learn when it’s time to fight and when it’s time to turn your back and leave.

Learn when it’s time to tackle a certain issue and when it’s time to embrace it and to accept that you can’t change it.

You have to learn that letting go doesn’t equal quitting and that giving up doesn’t necessarily mean you’re weak.

Let’s be honest—for as long as you can remember, you’ve been always giving one hundred percent of yourself to every relationship you get involved with.

It doesn’t matter whether we’re talking about romance, friendship, your studies or your work—you go all the way in or you don’t put yourself out there at all.

Congratulations because this is an amazing personality trait.

It shows that you’re a persistent girl who doesn’t give up until she gets what she wants and until she achieves her initial goals.

However, even though your power of character is awesome, this kind of lifestyle has taken a toll on your tired soul.

It exhausted you and it left you with no inner strength to deal with the things that really matter.

You’re left with negativity and darkness which cannot be chased away as easily.

You’re left all alone to tackle your own issues, without anyone to give you a hand.

You wasted so much of your time and effort on countless relationships which were doomed to fail, on numerous friendships which turned out to be phoney and on people who never deserved you lifting a finger for their sake.

And now, you have no energy to fight your own demons and to get your own life in order.

So instead of acting like everyone’s guardian angel, give yourself a break.

Instead of being so scared of quitting, give yourself the opportunity to change your mind and to let go of those who don’t matter.

Let’s face it—you can’t win every battle.

Nevertheless, this shouldn’t be your goal either.

Instead, you should focus on learning to pick your battles wisely because not all are worthy of your scars.

Most importantly—if you fight each one of them with the same passion and intensity, you’ll be too exhausted to win the ones which really matter.

Don’t allow toxic people to drain your precious energy because when the time comes, you’ll have none left to handle your own issues. 

And there is also one thing you have to remember when it comes to you as well: not every problem you have is the end of the world, you know.

Not every little inconvenience you experience is worthy of you beating yourself up or allowing it to overwhelm you completely, and not every argument you get yourself involved in is worthy of losing your head over.

People will always do things you disapprove of.

They will always have different perspectives in life and will always make mistakes.

However, it is not your job to show them the path and hold their hand on the way, especially if this is not something they want.

It is not your job to pull them out of the darkness and to be their light at the end of the tunnel.

Be smart enough to choose the challenges you face and respond to.

Smart enough to preserve your energy and time for relevant people and situations without using it on everyone who happens to enter your life.

Please, be wise and pick only the challenges which will help you become better and which offer you a possibility to improve yourself.

And when it comes to the rest, just let them pass and leave them behind, where they belong.


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Don’t Lower Your Standards.

You’re a strong, self-sufficient woman who knows what she wants—nobody can argue with that.

You know what type of partner you deserve and need but sadly, you have no luck in finding a man who would suit you.

It is not that you’re looking for a flawless Mr. Perfect who will make of your wildest fantasies come true—you just want a man who will have the ability to keep up with you, a man who will see your worth and most importantly, a man who will give you back all the love he’s getting from you. 

So why does everyone keep telling you that you’re asking for too much?

Why does everyone keep accusing you of being too picky when it comes to men, and why does everyone keep on advising you to lower your standards?

Let me tell you one thing: It is always better to remain single than to be with someone who doesn’t fit your criteria, and with someone who doesn’t match your requirements.

So, cut the bullshit and don’t even think of lowering your standards because I can assure you that this won’t increase your chances of happiness.

You see, it is not enough to find a man you’re just comfortable with, a man who is convenient at a given time and who has the potential to save you from dying alone.

You shouldn’t settle on spending the rest of your life with a dude who looks good on paper, but doesn’t make you feel deep love.

With a nice guy who probably won’t turn into an asshole over time, but who is not likely to dump you when he gets tired of you.

It is not enough to be with a man who won’t cheat on you, who won’t abuse you in any way and who’ll have the decency to return your phone calls and take you out a few times a week.

You shouldn’t consider yourself lucky just for running into a guy who puts some effort into your relationship, who buys you flowers and chocolate for Valentine’s Day, who doesn’t forget your birthday or who doesn’t put you last.

None of this is a privilege you should be thankful for—it is the bare minimum and something that should be implied in every normal relationship.

It is not the type of relationship you should chase, out of fear of being alone.

So, please, don’t lower your standards because by doing so, you’ll also decrease your happiness.

You’ll betray all of your principles, you’ll ruin your future and you’ll sentence yourself to a miserable, loveless life.

Besides, lowering your standards won’t magically invite everlasting love into your life.

Yes, it might help you get a temporary boyfriend but it definitely won’t make you any happier in the long run.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that you should have unrealistic expectations or that you should concentrate on finding a rich, handsome model who will nod his head to every word you say.

However, don’t lower your standards just because you can’t find what you’re looking for or because someone accused you of asking for too much.

Instead, look for more because you deserve more.

Search for a man who will make you feel alive and calm at the same time, a man who will make you feel loved and protected, and a man who will be your real partner through life.

Don’t settle for a man who will only satisfy your physical or emotional needs at this time.

Instead, look for someone who will make you feel complete and who will fill all of your voids for the rest of your life.

Someone you’ll love, someone who will be your perfect match and someone you can see yourself growing old next to. 

Yes, I know that waiting for this type of man might get tiring and exhausting.

I know that being single while sitting around and expecting him to show up is not easy.

However, spending the rest of your life regretting the choices you’ve made out of despair would be even more difficult.

Wishing you could go back in time and not give a chance to that someone who didn’t deserve it is much more devastating and something you should never put yourself through.

So please, don’t give up on finding Mr. Right just yet.

Don’t lose hope or settle for less than you deserve.




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Happy Thanksgiving.

Of course, your Thanksgiving menu is important, but the holiday is so much more than just piling our plates with mashed potatoes. Thanksgiving Day is also a time to show your gratitude for your friends, family, and all that you have in life. These best Thanksgiving quotes will remind everyone of the reason for the fall season! This list is full of thoughtful words that would make for a great holiday toast or even as a nice Thanksgiving Instagram caption. The day can be quite hectic, especially if you’re hosting this year’s festivities—so make sure you read these Thanksgiving quotes for friends and family before November 28, and then save them to read aloud to your guests on Thanksgiving Day.

Or when your day starts to get stressful (and you realize just how many stores are closed on Thanksgiving just as soon as you run out of pumpkin pie ingredients!), just take a moment to scroll through this roundup. We especially love the thankful quotes: “Give thanks not just on Thanksgiving Day, but every day of your life. Appreciate and never take for granted all that you have,” which was said by Catherine Pulsifer. It reminds us to be mindful and thankful of all we do have. We also love these words by Daniel Humm: “What I love about Thanksgiving is that it’s purely about getting together with friends or family and enjoying food. It’s really for everybody, and it doesn’t matter where you’re from.” That quote truly encompasses how special the holiday is.

Thanksgiving Quotes Nora Ephron

Safran Foer Thanksgiving Quotes

Johannes Gaertner Thanksgiving Quotes

Open Topic

The Girl Who Is “Just Friends.”

When you’re the girl who is “just friends” with guys, there is this misconceived notion there is something wrong with you that it’s never more. 

They assume you got friend zoned by another guy that just didn’t feel the same way.

When you’re the girl who is “just friends” with guys, there’s this assumption you simply pine after people who don’t want you.

When you’re the girl who is “just friends” with guys, everyone thinks they know the whole story as they watch bits and pieces play out.

But as the girl who is “just friends” with guys, there’s a lot spectator don’t know and she likes it that way. 

What they don’t see is how often her phone blows up with a long list of guys names in her inbox.

All engaging in deep conversations because she’s their favorite person to talk to.

What those people don’t see is how nothing is really that complicated or some mystery to her. She knows the relationship. She respects it. She isn’t pining after something, but simply taking it for what it is and not needing to demand more.

What they don’t see is how she really gets treated. While many play games and mess with girls heads, these guys wouldn’t dare do it with her.

She knows the best type of game to play is one you don’t play at all. 

Every text gets answered without having to think twice.

Every mistake comes with an apology before she even has to confront them about it.

Every door is opened. Every chair is pulled out. Every bill is paid for without her having to touch her wallet ever in his presence.

The honest truth about girls who are “just friends” with guys, are these guys treat her like gold and would do anything she asks them to.

What people don’t see about the girl who is “just friends” with guys, are the private conversations of whispers in her ear saying how much they love her, how much she means and how beautiful she is to them.

What they see is her reaching for his hand in public. A kiss on the cheek. Obvious signs of affection they don’t think are reciprocated from afar.

They don’t see the private dinners and flowers just because.

They don’t see him introducing her to his family, knowing very well everyone will love her and he’ll hear about it later. His mother will tell him everything he already knows about how she’s different than the rest. 

And his mom will watch them knowing very well there’s something there no one but her can see.

What people don’t see is the time they spend alone walking and holding hands. Laughing until it hurts. Confiding in each other as friends do but it’s deeper than that. 

It’s the coffee dates where she runs out the door saying she’s meeting “a friend.” It’s the intense eye contact as she stares and he’s wondering what she’s thinking.

It’s walking away with a kiss that comes so easy and natural to her. And every time she goes, he watches her leave and she knows it.

What people don’t see are the nights together where shadows become one and silence and innocent kissing always turns into a little more.

What people hear are the conversations as she and 4 AM are the keeper of every secret. The ones he can’t even admit to himself sometimes. 

There is something about her he trusts. Where he questions everyone and everything, with her he’s never had to. She’s the most honest person he knows.

What people don’t see are the mornings together as he wakes up holding her not wanting her to leave, but being afraid to admit it.

And that’s the thing about people who are “just friends.” They are terrified to admit what is there. But she isn’t. She sees it.

He looks at her because everything she’s shown him is exactly who she is. There is a fear of someone that confident. There is fear of having everything you’ve ever wanted right in front of you. It paralyzes you in a way. 

And she’s too polite to ask for more. So she takes what she gets with a smile. Because it is enough.

The thing people don’t understand about the girl who is “just friends” with guys is, she doesn’t lack love in her life. It just comes in a different form that isn’t socially acceptable to flaunt because there isn’t a label to it. There isn’t some box you can put it in. So everyone says, “just friends.” And she’ll smile because the truth is, it’s so much more than that.

The truth is, she has more guys willing to go to bat for her than most.

And sure she’s seen rejection more times than not.

Boys who weren’t ready for someone like her.

But in time, they all came around. Dressed up with an apology wanting to be everything she needed. And they’ll compliment her and she’ll smile ever so coy, just because it took them a little longer to realize something she already knew.

The girl who is “just friends” with guys, ultimately wins in the end. 

Because they either realize her value before it’s too late and do something, or have to watch someone else who didn’t need so much time.

And when that happens and she’s no longer the bed they can crawl into or the date and conversation they miss, it’ll be then they realize what they could have had.


Be wary of the girl who is “just friends” with guys because it’s never the case. It’s never that simple.