Open Topic

The Purpose Of Life.

Life can be so challenging sometimes, something which I think isn’t acknowledged enough. We want to get it right, but knowing how we should spend our time, what we should focus on, and how much we should invest in certain relationships is hard.

That’s why we often turn to websites and blogs—because we’re seeking a little guidance in how we should interpret a situation.

I’ve often found myself thinking about our purpose and what we’re supposed to do with our lives while we’re here. And I’ve reached two conclusions:

1. The purpose of life is to live as the fullest expression of yourself 

2. The purpose of life comes in the pursuit of something

We are born into an environment that will have an opinion on the person we should be.

Some of us are lucky enough to be born into an environment that feels like it fits. You may have two parents who are doctors, went to school, and love biology. You also are prepared to work at the level of a doctor and have the emotional capacity for that role. It all fits.

Most of the time though, we feel a little different from the people around us. We want different things for our lives. That can mean professionally, it can mean in the types of relationship or family structure we want, or it can mean the country we want to live in.

It may be a more extreme feeling that you just don’t fit in somewhere. That can be unnerving and uncomfortable.

I believe that we have a duty in this world to be true to ourselves. To explore the things that interest us in order to get to know ourselves more intimately. That might mean taking a course in something which appeals to us without necessarily knowing exactly what we’ll do with it after. To me, it meant starting to write before I knew where I was going to put my writing. It’s just about allowing yourself the freedom to follow your curiosity.

In relationships, if you don’t know yourself and aren’t prepared to stand by who you are, then how can you ever be really intimately connected to someone? For both men and women it’s critical we learn to really know and respect what sits at our core.

The women I know tend to ask, “Am I too much?” And the men tend to ask, “Am I enough?”

If you are exploring yourself, you’re making space to be the fullest expression of yourself. If you’re trying, then you are absolutely enough and never too much.

Then there’s my personal purpose, which may mean something to you too: The pursuit of something.

So I’ve come to realize that the purpose of my life exists in the pursuit of things that matter to me. With work, that means looking forwards, being proactive and being excited at the opportunities that come. It means applying myself and focusing on how I might be able to make impossible dreams a reality.

When it comes to relationships, that means trusting my heart and following it to where it wants to go. Trying to handle all situations with love and care, knowing that love is kinda like a boomerang sometimes and what you send out comes back to you.

That’s where I’ve found my purpose

Life is not about a destination, it is in constant change. Any goal you have will, and should, grow once you reach it. I like the idea of being really old and still setting new goals and making plans for myself.

Open Topic

Romantic vs. Attachment Love.

There are many different types of love we experience in a lifetime. You know that the type of love you have for your parent isn’t the same you have for your partner. But what you might not realize is that you can also experience different types of love within the course of a single relationship, and in fact, as a relationship progresses, that’s exactly what should happen.

When people talk about “falling in love,” they talk about romantic love. They talk about the newness, the nerves, the luster of a new person who is also, maybe, possibly not going to commit to you. That is one of the core tenets of romantic love: it is based on longing, not having. What makes the object of your desire so appealing is that they are not yet completely yours, and so you go into overdrive trying to “win” them. They are still mysterious, their affection comes in waves or hints, and so you get a sort of tunnel vision in which everything else is eclipsed.

In romantic love, your relationship is built a lot on chemical reactions and surface-level compatibility. Your first assessment of a romantic partner is going to be brief: are you attracted to them, and do you have enough in common that you could spend some period of time together? Beyond that, you’ll also likely become interested in one valuable part of them: maybe it’s their good looks, maybe it’s the music they play, maybe it’s how they socialize with others. Whatever it is, there will be something they have that you see as “high stock,” something you want to have as part of your life.

The other trick of romantic love is that it often fills a void. There’s a reason that some people become addicted to certain types of relationships: the chemical reaction that happens in their head is similar to that of taking drugs or other stimulants. On top of this, there are the expectations. We expect our romantic partners to give us purpose, security and meaning in life.

However, romantic love is not the kind of love on which you build a lifelong partnership.

After about one year together —though it can vary — romantic love should start to settle into attachment love. That word, “attachment,” tends to have a negative connotation, but that is not what this is. Attachment love is the love you’re actually looking for. It is the love you experience when your partner is your best friend, confidante, and friend. It is the love that you experience when you feel completely comfortable and at ease in your partner’s presence.

Romantic love is common, attachment love is rare.

Romantic love is temporary, attachment love is long-term.

Many people make lifelong commitments based on romantic love, and have a hard time when it settles and they discover that attachment love is not as strong as they’d hoped.

Romantic love is based on what you don’t have, attachment love is based on what you do.

While both types of love are important, and each serve their own purpose, it is important that you wait to see that you and your partner have each.

Your partner should be your best friend and your lover. The person who you “love” but who won’t commit to you is your romantic love, but not your attachment love. The person you’re in a comfortable relationship with but never feel any sparks or chemistry is an attachment love, but not a romantic love. You will find one of each in many people throughout your life, but when you find someone with whom you experience both, you’ll know you’ve found the right one for you.