It’s me, you.
I have been writing on my journal and to other people who are significant in my life, but I realised I have never ever written one to myself.
How have you been? You and I have been on quite a journey the past few years. We have hugged our knees, cried for hours till the tears dried, the throat hurt and the nose blocked, yet we continued crying. We have sat there on the shower floor, just in daze at that stormy situation that surrounded us. We have done so much drugs to numb that pain. That heart wrenching pain is real.
You and I, we also pushed ourselves to do different things. Completing going to the gym everyday, getting out of the comfort zone, adapting to being alone.
I have seen you have everything you probably wanted.
I have also seen you losing it all, suddenly and perhaps in a cruel way.
Life is not a straight line, there are ups and downs. It is a series of twists and turns, hills and valleys, with both smooth-sailing and rough seas.
I am sorry for all those times where I wanted to tear you apart. I am sorry for all the times I let you hang your head down low, for all the times I let you win, and beat myself up because of those insecurities. I was not strong enough to encourage, support and appreciate you.
I know life has been tough for you the past few years but you have done quite a good job to stay alive. I have seen you plummet to the state of despair and depress. Thank you for not giving up. You know, I am extremely proud that you managed to survive through.
It is said that trials and calamities/ hardships are the greatest blessings and lessons in disguise. These hardships force us into a new and better versions of us.
For a long time, you were lost. You were broken, having to make multiple decisions which were much against your belief and will. How did forever’s become never’s, you wonder? Hush hush, it is okay now, take some time to forgive yourself.
You are a lot stronger than you realized. I know there were many moments of pain and self-doubt but you got through all of it. Like a phoenix, you have emerged from the ashes to start a new life. You are a survivor. You have overcome those obstacles.
Have you noticed lately how much you have changed? I did. You have improved much more. You are now much confident to speak up on things on your mind and rise up to challenges. You are now able to sleep soundly without crying or drugs, have fun at night without feeling any pain, travel alone by yourself for holidays, and enjoy the time being alone. You selflessly contribute your time, efforts and to help others who are much more in need than you. Even though your wallet feels a lot lighter and poorer, your soul is much more happier and lighter. This change is beautiful. I am glad to see a fresh you. Bring out that confidence and beauty in yourself. Keep it going throughout your life.
As I am writing this letter, you have not fully figured out how your life will be yet. Let’s make a pact. Come back to re-read this letter 3 years later, and update me how you are doing. I truly hope that by that time, you have found your happiness and that you have followed a path that you are proud of.
Remember, behind those dark clouds, the sun is still shining.
You have got through this far. Continue to be strong. Do not stop loving. Do not stop caring.
You are always loved, by me.
Above all else, be true to yourself.