Open Topic

The Power Of “Now.”

In today’s ever-growing and ever-evolving society where high-tech gadgets and super fast delivery systems are enhancing the quality of our life, it is hard to practice patience, because everything is teaching us the exact opposite.

You order clothes from Amazon and you’ll likely receive it in record time.

Food delivery chains are at the top of their game with extremely fast and effective systems in place that, due to their competitive nature, keep upping their game (much to the customers’ delight).

There’s a lot of hard work taking place all over the world’s factories that are aiming to make the difficult situations as stress-free as possible, and their service is constantly improving because nobody can afford to be an impatient person anymore.

Human beings have forgotten that the key to everything is in fact patience and that happy life isn’t achieved by getting everything when they request it.

Why? Because our culture has learned to expect results within minutes of our demands.

Life lessons cannot be learned unless people let go of their lack of patience and slow their roll.

Patience is one of the most important traits a person can possess and I’m going to share with you why I strongly stand by this.

Imagine this scenario. You’re sitting in a traffic jam, with hundreds of cars surrounding you.

Everyone is currently immobile and impatiently bashing their horns in order to get others to move, but it only makes people more frustrated.

So what do you do as you’re impatiently waiting for the traffic to clear out? You take out your little gadget and immediately Google stuff and check your social media accounts to see if perhaps you’ve got some new comments.

You might even tweet something to your co-workers or high school friends as you just can’t bring yourself to sit there with your hands tied for five whole minutes and not do something on your mobile phone.

And if you don’t get an instant reply or a desired “like” on something you tweeted, you get irrationally annoyed and frustrated because how dare they?

You know most of them are online.

So why wouldn’t they react and boost your ego by sharing that funny tweet you so cleverly thought of?

Why wouldn’t that person text you right back and therefore show you how important you are to them?

But think about this. What does that say about you and us as a people?

What kind of message does it send to our children?

Will it ultimately make them better people or set them up for failure?

If you don’t get instant results on something you crave, consider yourself a failure?

Always make sure you’re doing something instead of just enjoying the beautiful moment you’re in?

This is setting a dangerous precedent to your future offspring.

It shows them that the beauty around them is irrelevant and unworthy of appreciation.

It shows them that being in touch with everyone at all times trumps being present in your life and taking care of what’s in front of you.

It teaches them to test the Lord’s patience.

And for what? A short-term gratification because somebody blessed their social media feed with a saucy comment?

A moment of happiness because your order arrived impossibly fast?

That is a lot of evasive, short-term joy that is pulling you away from the right direction.

The one that teaches you to enjoy the little things and stop expecting things to happen at the snap of your finger.

Here’s my two cents.  During my many years on this earth, I’ve been known to have a severe lack of patience for most of my life.

At times, I believe it made me a difficult person to be around (which was never my intention). 

I believed in all those get-rich-quick schemes that clearly didn’t work.

I expected things to just come to me without giving much in return.

I tested my parents’ patience on more than one occasion and if I didn’t get my way, I’d throw a fit.

See, I believed in the power of “now.”

Why would I have to waste my precious time waiting for something if I could get it in a much faster manner?

Why would I believe my parents when they said if I always got what I wanted, I’d never learn the importance of hard work and sacrifice?

But boy were they right. I have learned a thing or two since my early youth.

I have replaced my incessant wants and needs with patience and gratitude.

I no longer go the fast route. I take my time. I enjoy what’s in front of me.

If I get stuck in a traffic jam, instead of looking down on my phone, I observe the nature around me.

I smile at the dog in the back seat of the car next to me.

I put on some music and jam on my own while people around me watch, probably thinking I’ve gone mad.

But you know what? I don’t really care. I don’t need that instant gratification anymore.

I don’t crave everything in the palm of my hand.

Now what I want more than anything is to have children one day who will be brought up appreciative of what they have.

Children who will know the significance of hard work and effort.

I don’t want to live in a world where people are nervous and go crazy at each other for the most insanely ridiculous reasons.

Do you know what I tell myself now, when I’m in a situation that would normally drive me mad?

I repeat to myself: if you’re stuck here waiting for the traffic to clear out in order to get to work, so is everybody else!

If your photo didn’t get a hundred “likes” within an hour, so what?

Do I really care about all these virtual people’s opinions?

No!

If I didn’t have time to make dinner at 7 pm sharp, does it really matter?

It honestly doesn’t. We can eat just as well at 8.

Live in the moment. Observe life around you.

Don’t let good things pass you by while you’re impatiently expecting things to arrive to you.

Once you shift your focus away from your constant wants and needs, you’ll finally realize that the moment you’re in right now is what life is all about!



Open Topic

Emotional Wreck.

A sensitive heart can be a heavy burden. Your heart is so fragile, so gentle, and so delicate that even the smallest things can disrupt its balance. But that’s okay.

You are crying now and you can’t focus your mind, right? I know the feeling.

That feeling where you’re choking on your own fears, emotions, and tears. It’s like your own body can’t handle itself. It’s an emotional state almost impossible to escape.

Sometimes I feel like it’s just anxiety playing with me, or that it’s the people around me who are the only ones to blame for my emotions.

But at the end of the day, does the cause truly matter? Or does the way you react to it matter more?

Can I just tell you: what I’ve learned that helps the most in these moments is accepting that minute of feeling lost and out of your mind.

You are always so busy, you want to achieve something in your life, and you stress out about everything. You make plans, you organize things, and come nighttime, you fall asleep exhausted from all those things you did that day. At the end of the day, you completely ignore your mental health and can’t understand that you’re under a lot of unnecessary stress.

But let me just tell you that being productive and following your dreams doesn’t always mean that your heart is protected.

It takes just one person in your life to say something before thinking or do something that makes you wonder if they ever loved you, for you to fall onto your knees and feel your heart sharply breaking inside your chest.

He hurt you. He did this to you. When you look back at it, you remember that time you were there for him when he was so lost. You wish for him to be right next to you and help you get through this. But he is not.

He’s not there with you and you know that he won’t even come.

You’ll be crying your eyes out for a while, but that is fine. You’ll feel that churning sensationlike you’re about to throw up. But it’s all normal. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself for this emotional moment.

Your mind is blank, isn’t it? You feel everything so deeply that your mind has shut itself down, because there’s nothing it can think at this moment to make you feel better.

So let me be the one to tell you: Accept yourself for what you are right at this moment!

You are an emotional wreck, so embrace it!

The more you try to silence your emotions, the more you try to hide them away from the world, the more damage they will cause on your body, mind, and soul. The destruction is not a matter of seconds. It’s a matter of months, or even worse – years. It’s so slow that you don’t notice it coming!

The damage will go beyond tears because you will continue carrying those emotions with you wherever you go!

Isn’t it better to just let it all go? It feels awful right now, but in the morning you will feel relieved! You’ll feel lighter, like you have let go of a huge burden.

You shouldn’t be angry at yourself for feeling all of these things! You’ll only be adding another emotion, and anger aimed at yourself isn’t going to do you any good right now.

What you need now is unconditional, lasting love for yourself! You need it now more than ever before.

You need to realize that even though it’s harder to breathe through all these tears, even though your face is swollen and blotchy, there’s still no reason for you to not love yourself.

When you wake up in the morning, with those bags under your eyes, you will remember how you felt and respect yourself enough to not let that happen to you again.

You won’t let anyone treat you that way again, because it hurts too much to be let down by someone you loved with your entirety.

But at this moment, it’s better to let it all out than to drag it along with you, because you’ll meet someone and want to give them everything, but you won’t be able to due to your emotions being held inside for so long.

That’s why you have to let go of all of it. And this is how you’re going to achieve that natural state of ease.

You’ve gone through something extremely painful. Now, you’re dealing with it, but instead of lying back and letting what happened to you disappear, you’re obsessing with it.

You put so much pressure on yourself that at some point you become a loner. You refuse to hang out with anyone because you’re only stuck in your head. 

You’re only thinking about what happened to you over and over again. Do you really think that things would be different if you knew about the betrayal or that person’s intentions towards you?

You have to decide to get better. You have to get out of the black hole that hideous emotional state is pulling you to. Because one day when you meet someone who is completely worthy of every little piece of you, you will regret not being able to give them everything you are.

Open Topic

Been There, Done That.

I’ve become reflective as I approach middled age. It’s been a hell of a decade, and I’ve still got a years to go. Maybe it’s just life in general; clarity finally settling in since I’ve let myself heal from a terrible experience. Either way, let me share my top seven lessons I’ve learned in my almost forty years. I’ve been there, done that, and this is what I’ve learned…

1. No one, except you, has a responsibility to love you. No one will love, care or feel exactly like you do, AND that’s okay.

I used to get so upset when someone didn’t do for me what I’d do for them. I thought they were a bad friend. Maybe they are doing what they think is right, or they just don’t care like I do. Either way, I don’t have any control over it. It’s a waste of time and energy to think you can change it. You are responsible for loving yourself. You must love yourself enough so much that when others don’t see your awesomeness, it doesn’t matter. Just keep being awesome.

2. You are responsible for who you become. You may not blame your past for your future.

I’m sure each of us has our own Hell we’ve lived through and survived. What is important is that it doesn’t define what your future holds. I once had a boss tell me, “Once you make a decision, you can’t go back; that’s not where you are or where you’re going anymore.” He was/is right. Your past is behind you. You can’t change it. You must move forward.

3. If it sounds like a lie and feels like a lie, it’s a lie. Walk away.


Trust your gut. First impressions can say so much. Don’t short a person a second impression, but if it’s the same as the first, don’t hesitate to remember that. Don’t fall victim to a liar. Liars are out there. They will use you and twist the story to their advantage. Why? Because they are liars. Keep up. Also, be prepared to lose some “friends” along the way. They will believe the liars. It’s okay, you’re bigger than them and will still succeed. It’s a blip on the radar. It sounds insensitive, but so are they.

4. DO NOT – I repeat – DO NOT let your pride keep you in a situation that is wrong. Admit you messed up, and move on.

I’m a pretty prideful person, and I HATE losing. With that said, I’m also pretty quick to admit I’m wrong. Learn your lesson, and move on. I’ve stayed in a bad situation far too long because my pride was hurt. You won’t win. You’ll stay too long in a toxic situation and lose yourself. I’ve been there. I compromised a huge belief of mine and paid the ultimate price, and I’m still healing. I may never be 100%, but that’s on me. But, I also finally walked away. It still hurts, but my perspective on the entire situation has now changed. Refer back to 1-3 here. But DON’T stay. Get out and get perspective.

5. Life is beautiful. Look around. Focus on the good. The bad/negative will always be there; but, oh, the good prevails. Make sure you see it.

ImI have a loving, devoted, honest boyfriend (who also happens to be my best friend). He’s seen me at my worst (and my worstest {without even knowing why}) and has stood by my side; his love never wavering. I choose to focus on the good I have surrounding me. I’ve got some great friends. I keep in touch. I’m a good person with some MAJOR mistakes under my belt. But I choose to focus on the good…my circle, my people. And I’m SO MUCH MORE SELECTIVE of who fits in that group now. Focus on the good. Refer back to 1-4, we’re building as you go if you haven’t caught on.

6. If someone says you can’t; prove that you can. Never let someone influence your dreams.

Be YOU and be AWESOME. My Mom is an amazing person. We had a complicated relationship, but my final opinion is that she fought her entire life to be independent, self sufficient, and STRONG. I’ve worked hard. I’ve been told ‘no’ during my career. It’s pissed me off, BUT, it’s also pushed me to work harder and achieve the goals I knew I deserved to accomplish. Don’t let them tell you ‘no’. Pass them, and don’t look back. I’m not done. Show others (but mainly yourself) what you are capable of. Don’t stop until you want to.

7. Be. Sometimes it is important to just be. Be. It seems so simple, yet we all struggle with it.

This last year I’ve reflected a lot. I’ve re-lived some bad shit in my head several times over and over. I can’t hate the person involved as much as I’ve tried. I can only assume they hate me. We don’t talk anymore. This makes me unbelievably sad, but I also have to remind myself that sometimes you don’t get closure. I’ve spent time being. I’ve spent time reflecting. I wish my mother and I had a good relationship so I could talk to her about all of the shit I’m going thru. If anyone would understand, she would. I used to get so FRUSTRATED with her when she thought of my past, but I’ve come to realize that sometimes BAD SHIT happens, and you’ve got to deal…and live on. Mom’s message to me “Be” makes me focus on today. I can’t go back and make changes. I’ve got to move forward. I’ve got to be awesome. Because she is. I had someone tell me how much like her I was not too long ago. When I was younger, that would have been an insult. Today, let me tell you, I’d fucking walk thru hot coals because I’m badass, just like she is.

Open Topic

2020 Will Be My Year.

There are too many things in life that don’t last and love shouldn’t be one of them. 

I’ve already had people coming in and out of my life who were supposed to be my friends, I’ve had men telling me that they loved me in one moment and then turning their backs to me the next, and I had people who promised to be there just to go and disappear when I needed them the most. 

This year was full of things that didn’t last. I’ve been put through hell by the people who should’ve cared for me the most. My heart has been broken, my back is full of knives and my eyes have no more tears to cry despite the pain I’m feeling.

But, I’m not giving up. No, not me. 

I choose to stay optimistic. I choose to be positive. I choose to wait for the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m putting all my hopes in the year that is yet to come. I’ve had my fair share of hell and now it’s time to finally experience the happiness that stays and a love that doesn’t leave me. That’s me, an eternal optimist. 

Out of all the wishes someone could have for the year to come, I only have one—all I want is a love that stays.

I don’t want anything temporary anymore. I want a love that doesn’t leave. I want that forever story.

I want a love that makes me feel like I’m good enough. Like I’m more than my mistakes and like my imperfections are not ever allowed to shadow my good side. I want a love in which I won’t be mistreated for making a mistake, where my efforts will be appreciated and where I’ll feel like I am just fine in my own skin.

I want a love that feels like home, a love that makes me feel safe. I want a love that will be my safe haven, a love for which I’ll thank God each day and night, a love that will make me feel comfortable enough to be who I am, where I won’t need to put on any masks, where I won’t need to pretend to be something I’m not.

I want a love in which I feel like I matter. I just need love in which I’ll feel like my feelings matter, like what I have to say is important, like something would change if I disappeared all of a sudden. I want a love in which I know I’ll be missed if I’m gone.  

I want a love that stays, the love I can count on. I want a love that will make me feel high, a love that will take me to the stars and a love that I’ll be selfish about and that will make me not want to share with anyone.

I want a love that cares, a love that’s honest, a love that’s there just because of me, a love that doesn’t treat me like a backup plan. 

I want a love that stays forever and not until it finds someone else, someone better. 

I want a love that promises to stay. A love that keeps its promises, a love that stays even when times get rough, that holds my hand through all the storms and a love that is my light at the end of the tunnel. A love that helps me when I lose my faith, a love that doesn’t allow me to get tired, a love that makes sense out of everything bad. That’s what kind of love I want in 2020.

I promise to leave all my heartbreaks in 2019. I promise to forget all those who broke me, betrayed me or lied to me and I promise to start from scratch when this new love walks into my life. With this new year, I’m ready for a new beginning, a better beginning.

The year to come is about hope. And even though this year has left me bruised, even though I’ve fallen a hundred times, I managed to stand up and I’m still standing, ready to start from scratch.

I’m full of hope when it comes to 2020 because I know what I’ve been through and I know I get to be rewarded for the hell 2019 has put me through. 

I feel like this year will be the year in which things will change for the better. 

So, dear 2020, please be good to me.

Open Topic

How Much You Hurt Me.

You need to know how much you hurt me. I loved you with everything I have and in every way I know how, and I’m sorry that wasn’t good enough for you. I tried to be everything you wanted and needed but I just can’t anymore. I have put my own happiness on the back burner for too long and lost myself trying to be what you wanted. You were right – I did need you. You were a beacon of light in my messed up life; you brought me a lot of happiness. But then everything changed.

For years now we have gone in this circle. We try to fix things and then things go back to how they were, we stop communicating about it, things fall apart and we end up here.

Neither of us is happy and we are making each other miserable.

When you chose not to be there, I had to start to become my own person again. I couldn’t keep waiting for you to maybe show up; it was hurting me too much. So I found a support system and group that cared about me and enjoyed spending time with me. You’d say you were going to do things, but then you didn’t follow through. And I realize that sometimes they were inconvenient and maybe you didn’t actually want to do them, but those are the kinds of compromises you make for someone you love. I can’t even begin to count all of the times I did things with you/for you because I knew it would make you happy to have me there.

You say some of those things are expected when dating, but I don’t really believe in doing things out of obligation; you shouldn’t feel obligated to support the person you love, you should want to.

I was so excited for our first trip together, just the two of us, but I ended up feeling like crap while we were there because I honestly felt like you wished you were there with someone else. And I was soooo excited that you were going to move in with me, but the fact that you even had a little hesitancy towards moving in together after 7 years speaks volumes to where we are at in this relationship. Indecision is a decision. Your words and your actions aren’t matching up anymore and I’m tired of making excuses for you. I shouldn’t have ever had to question where I stand in your life, but that’s what has been happening.

You’ve shaped me into the person I am today. You taught me how to be goofy and how to believe in myself and push myself. You taught me patience and a lot about self-respect and self-worth. And you helped me learn that my happiness is important.

I know I’m hard to love.

I’ve got walls and I’m stubborn and I don’t like to feel weak or vulnerable. At one point, you pushed through those walls, but something must have changed because you stopped and then I didn’t want to feel like a burden.

Right now, I can’t trust you with my heart. 

It’s too little too late. You should have fought for me. You should have communicated with me when you realized your feelings were changing. I deserve to be loved, to feel loved, and to be happy. We both do. We both deserve to feel special and neither of us feels that right now. I never thought we would get to this point and I have no idea how it happened, but we are here. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry I can’t love you in the way that you want and that I am not the person you want or need me to be.

I don’t know what our future looks like right now. But I know that I’m basically numb at this point. I feel angry and hurt and disappointed and betrayed. I know you tried to take it back, but your message was loud and clear that night. I’m not sure if you’re scared of losing me or losing the idea of me/what I represent/who you wanted me to be. But I just need time to figure this all out and deal with it. I can’t force you to love me, but maybe time will change things. And I need to learn how to love myself if anyone else is going to; it’s not fair for me to rely on you for all of my happiness and love.

I hope someday you realize I loved you more than anything in the entire world and I’m sorry my love wasn’t good enough for you. You broke my heart, but I still love you with all the pieces.

Open Topic

The Purpose Of Life.

Life can be so challenging sometimes, something which I think isn’t acknowledged enough. We want to get it right, but knowing how we should spend our time, what we should focus on, and how much we should invest in certain relationships is hard.

That’s why we often turn to websites and blogs—because we’re seeking a little guidance in how we should interpret a situation.

I’ve often found myself thinking about our purpose and what we’re supposed to do with our lives while we’re here. And I’ve reached two conclusions:

1. The purpose of life is to live as the fullest expression of yourself 

2. The purpose of life comes in the pursuit of something

We are born into an environment that will have an opinion on the person we should be.

Some of us are lucky enough to be born into an environment that feels like it fits. You may have two parents who are doctors, went to school, and love biology. You also are prepared to work at the level of a doctor and have the emotional capacity for that role. It all fits.

Most of the time though, we feel a little different from the people around us. We want different things for our lives. That can mean professionally, it can mean in the types of relationship or family structure we want, or it can mean the country we want to live in.

It may be a more extreme feeling that you just don’t fit in somewhere. That can be unnerving and uncomfortable.

I believe that we have a duty in this world to be true to ourselves. To explore the things that interest us in order to get to know ourselves more intimately. That might mean taking a course in something which appeals to us without necessarily knowing exactly what we’ll do with it after. To me, it meant starting to write before I knew where I was going to put my writing. It’s just about allowing yourself the freedom to follow your curiosity.

In relationships, if you don’t know yourself and aren’t prepared to stand by who you are, then how can you ever be really intimately connected to someone? For both men and women it’s critical we learn to really know and respect what sits at our core.

The women I know tend to ask, “Am I too much?” And the men tend to ask, “Am I enough?”

If you are exploring yourself, you’re making space to be the fullest expression of yourself. If you’re trying, then you are absolutely enough and never too much.

Then there’s my personal purpose, which may mean something to you too: The pursuit of something.

So I’ve come to realize that the purpose of my life exists in the pursuit of things that matter to me. With work, that means looking forwards, being proactive and being excited at the opportunities that come. It means applying myself and focusing on how I might be able to make impossible dreams a reality.

When it comes to relationships, that means trusting my heart and following it to where it wants to go. Trying to handle all situations with love and care, knowing that love is kinda like a boomerang sometimes and what you send out comes back to you.

That’s where I’ve found my purpose

Life is not about a destination, it is in constant change. Any goal you have will, and should, grow once you reach it. I like the idea of being really old and still setting new goals and making plans for myself.

Open Topic

Romantic vs. Attachment Love.

There are many different types of love we experience in a lifetime. You know that the type of love you have for your parent isn’t the same you have for your partner. But what you might not realize is that you can also experience different types of love within the course of a single relationship, and in fact, as a relationship progresses, that’s exactly what should happen.

When people talk about “falling in love,” they talk about romantic love. They talk about the newness, the nerves, the luster of a new person who is also, maybe, possibly not going to commit to you. That is one of the core tenets of romantic love: it is based on longing, not having. What makes the object of your desire so appealing is that they are not yet completely yours, and so you go into overdrive trying to “win” them. They are still mysterious, their affection comes in waves or hints, and so you get a sort of tunnel vision in which everything else is eclipsed.

In romantic love, your relationship is built a lot on chemical reactions and surface-level compatibility. Your first assessment of a romantic partner is going to be brief: are you attracted to them, and do you have enough in common that you could spend some period of time together? Beyond that, you’ll also likely become interested in one valuable part of them: maybe it’s their good looks, maybe it’s the music they play, maybe it’s how they socialize with others. Whatever it is, there will be something they have that you see as “high stock,” something you want to have as part of your life.

The other trick of romantic love is that it often fills a void. There’s a reason that some people become addicted to certain types of relationships: the chemical reaction that happens in their head is similar to that of taking drugs or other stimulants. On top of this, there are the expectations. We expect our romantic partners to give us purpose, security and meaning in life.

However, romantic love is not the kind of love on which you build a lifelong partnership.

After about one year together —though it can vary — romantic love should start to settle into attachment love. That word, “attachment,” tends to have a negative connotation, but that is not what this is. Attachment love is the love you’re actually looking for. It is the love you experience when your partner is your best friend, confidante, and friend. It is the love that you experience when you feel completely comfortable and at ease in your partner’s presence.

Romantic love is common, attachment love is rare.

Romantic love is temporary, attachment love is long-term.

Many people make lifelong commitments based on romantic love, and have a hard time when it settles and they discover that attachment love is not as strong as they’d hoped.

Romantic love is based on what you don’t have, attachment love is based on what you do.

While both types of love are important, and each serve their own purpose, it is important that you wait to see that you and your partner have each.

Your partner should be your best friend and your lover. The person who you “love” but who won’t commit to you is your romantic love, but not your attachment love. The person you’re in a comfortable relationship with but never feel any sparks or chemistry is an attachment love, but not a romantic love. You will find one of each in many people throughout your life, but when you find someone with whom you experience both, you’ll know you’ve found the right one for you.