Open Topic

Fighting A Battle I Will Never Win.

I’m feeling anxious again, Father. I know I shouldn’t be. I know there’s no need. I know you want me to have faith in you and I do, but if I’m being honest, I’m not okay. I don’t know. I guess just the feeling of being stuck here in my current position is getting a bit weary and frustrating.

However, I thank you God. Thank you for the position that I’m in right now. Thank you for making me sit and wait. I know that these hard times are producing perseverance, building my character, strengthening my faith in you, and equipping me with what I need for my future.

Even though it feels as if I’ve been waiting for a long time, I know that what you have for me is worth waiting for. I just need to have patience and know that everything will work out in the end.

I’m not who or where I want to be at the moment and that’s okay. I know I’m exactly where I need to be. It’s a process. I know you’re working on me, and I know I still have a lot of growing to do and more lessons to learn.

But Jesus, I must admit, this ongoing mental battle that I’m facing, these emotions that are getting the best of me is a daily struggle. I know you’ve given me all the weapons I need to fight, but still, I need your help.

I tend to isolate myself from people. I have some days when I just want to sleep, so I won’t have to get up and face the day. When I’m awake, the thoughts in my mind never stop going, and I allow the worries of this world to weigh me down.

I’m constantly looking in every direction to see where my blessing is gonna come from. I’m waiting for you to show up with this evacuation plan to get me out of this place.

I just wanna be alone with you, but whenever I get by myself in quietness, I can hear the enemy loud and clear trying to get in my head. I need to hear your voice, Father.

I need to go higher; I want to be high up with you, not a drug type of high but the type of high where all I feel is joy and peace in You. The type of high where no negativity, no enemy, no type of harm can reach me.

I need you to capture my mind, Father, place your words deep inside my heart, get them stuck in my mind. Replace my thoughts with your thoughts. There are times when I know I need to pray, but no words come out. Lately, it’s been a lot of “God..I…never mind.”

I need you take my hand, so I can walk with you. I’m sorry I keep turning away from you.

Lately, I’ve been confused. Trying to fight off these lies of insecurities, the lies of anxieties that come from not having answers.

I want to love myself, but I don’t want my focus to be on myself. I want to love myself the way you love me, but I don’t want to fall into the self-seeking trap.

I’m trying to stay humble, but I can’t tell the difference between me having confidence or having pride. Aren’t I called to be strong and courageous? But what if I’m not doing it the right way? I’m contradicting myself.

I’m second guessing everything I do. I can’t depend on myself. I don’t want to get in the way of Your will, Father; Not my will for my life but Yours. I don’t want to do what I think is best for me because in the past, every time I did what I wanted to do or what I thought was best, I ended up down the wrong path.

Some won’t understand this, but Lord, we need your help. We need you to save us from ourselves and from this corrupt world. We need guidance. We need your Love.

I admit, I can’t live without you. Whenever I don’t hear your voice, I panic, but really, you’re just telling me to wait…be still and have faith in you.

I’m trying God. I’m trying to fight this fight and running this race the best way I know how.

I won’t move until I hear you say go, but while I’m being still and waiting, Father, I need you to keep me covered. Help me not to wander off or get distracted and pulled in by this world.

Picture this— you’re out in the woods with a group of other soldiers and you have the captain in front leading and guiding the way. The captain is giving out signs of when to go, stop, run, and even fight so as you follow, you’re constantly looking for the leader to give you directions. You’ve been doing this for some time now. There’s a destination point but there’s still some ways to go.

In the meantime, you may get tired and weary, but that’s okay because you have the leader there going before you. That is until you get impatient, look away or you stop paying attention. Then what? You get thrown off course. You may get lost; you get worried, and you get scared.

What do you do? You can’t do this on your own. You must find the leader and look unto Him to show you the way out to safety. There’s a purpose in all of this. A plan.

I need your guidance. I’m sorry, come save me again.

Open Topic

I Am Letting Go.

I’ve been patient in life for so long.

I’ve taken everything bad that anyone ever said to me and I stored it deep inside.

I’ve waited and waited because I thought things would change, that people would change, that destiny would go easy on me and pay me back by letting good things happen.

All of that is about to change.

I’ve realized something.

I’ve realized that waiting for things to happen, waiting for things to change, is a lost cause.

Nothing will ever be different if I don’t take my destiny into my own hands. 

This time, I’m slowly starting to realize that.

I’m slowly learning to let go of everything that bothers me and people who don’t value me.

First, people, I’m letting go of all of you who never did anything good for me; if anything, you always made me feel bad.

I’m saying goodbye to the heartbreakers.

You, who shattered my heart into thousands of pieces. 

You, who made me pick up those pieces one by one, pieces of a broken mirror I used to enjoy looking at.

Now, I’m collecting those shattered chunks and putting that mirror back together.

Only, I’m not sure if I’m going to like what I see in the end.

I’m letting go of the traitors and backstabbers who were never there for me when I needed them.

My loyalty never meant anything to you.

The fact that I forgot about my own problems to take care of yours meant I only got an empty thank you from you.

But when things went downhill for me and I needed you to have my back, you pretended you couldn’t hear me.

You turned on me.

Here’s a special goodbye to a crappy life.

I’m letting go of all the life situations that made me think I was not good enough or that I was never going to be.

I’m saying goodbye to a life full of disappointment and seemingly unbearable obstacles. 

Nothing is impossible. Nothing is undoable. It’s you who is your own obstacle in everything you do.

When you think you can’t, you will never be able to.

I’m letting go of those toxic thoughts that are only bringing me down and limiting my abilities.

I finally realized that I can do whatever I want.

I have to try hard and I have to be persistent, to never give up. Impossible?

It will be impossible to slow me down. 

I’m letting go of the known.

I’m walking out of my comfort zone.

Great things don’t happen in comfort zones.

You won’t discover what you’re capable of if you just keep surrounding yourself with the things you know, with something that sure and bulletproof.

You have to risk a bit and find your way out of an unknown or uncomfortable situation.

That is when you build yourself and become better and stronger.

I’m learning to let go of a limiting life.

I’m learning to embrace the excitement of what this new life is bringing me. 

So, here I am, ready to embrace everything that awaits me.

Here I am, happy to welcome my new life and all the things that come along with it.

I’m ready to finally love myself enough to recognize what great potential I have, rather than being a hopeless failure like others made me think.

I’m ready to give myself credit for all the good things I’ve done and am about to do.

I’m ready to tackle my dreams because I finally have the courage to.

And I’m only brave enough because I decided to leave behind everything that is not good for me. 

I’m slowly learning to become who I was supposed to be all along—a fighter, a dreamer, and a real woman.

And to do that takes courage. It takes time to realize what is bad for you.


Open Topic

Bad Days Don't Last Forever.

I know you don’t believe me now.

I know that the pain you feel inside your chest is almost unbearable. I know you think this will never pass. 

But what you don’t know is, that bad days don’t last forever.

They are there just to remind us how small we actually are. 

They are there to let us know that we can lose everything we have within a minute.

They remind us of how everything can change quickly and that we can’t affect it.

But, on the other hand, those bad days won’t be there all the time.

Bad days can come and go just like good ones. 

But you know what is important?

It is important how you behave on those bad days.

If you feel you are having a bad day, just accept it. If you want to cry, cry.

If you want to talk to your friend, then do it. 

If you want to scream, then scream. Just don’t keep the pain inside.

Don’t do it because once it explodes, it will completely ruin you.

You are allowed to fight your pain in ways only you know.

It is fine if you want to be alone or you want to surround yourself with people. 

It is okay if you feel that your world is falling apart.

It is okay if you think that things will never be the same. It is okay to be a mess. 

Just know that things like that never last long.

They last just long enough to remind us that no matter how good life is, all can change in a second. 

They teach us to be humble. They teach us to respect life.

They make us go through hell to be happy. They teach us how to grow. But they never ruin us. 

So, please bear in mind that no matter how disoriented and bad you feel right now, it won’t last forever. 

Remember that there is always sun after some rain.

So, why are you worried in the first place?

It is not the first time life has played with you like this. 

You have had these moments before, and in most cases, you have matured as a person.

Even if you had a bad day, something positive happened inside you.

That is what you need to seek in every bad day.

Look for that one positive thing which can make a difference.

These things don’t have to be complicated.

They can be simple like…

Just one smile of a stranger on the bus.

One ‘take care’ your bestie types in a text.

One ‘thank you’ that an old lady tells you when you help her cross the street. 

If you don’t see the positive things in negative ones, it is like you are closing the doors to blessings.

Because first, you need to learn things in a harsh way, and then you will be happy. 

First, you need to be broken and sad so you would cherish the moments when you become happy and fulfilled.

Otherwise, you won’t recognize the real blessings when they happen to you. 

I hope that now, you have a totally different perspective of all the bad days that are about to happen to you. 

I hope you are aware of the fact that they are there to teach you a lesson.

They are there to show you that no matter how much money or power you have, you are as small as any other human being. 

And you will realize that life is all about the small things.

Maybe money can make you happy but not more than the smile of your child when he/she sees you after your day at work. 

Those hands around your neck are the most expensive and meaningful jewelry you will ever have.

So, cherish people. Forgive them. Give them second chances.

But don’t let them make a fool out of you.

Live to the fullest and try things so you don’t regret anything. 

And one more thing; keep that charming smile both on your good and your bad days. 





Open Topic

His Path.

Life has beaten and bent you so many times, and you are surprised you are still standing.

It’s no wonder you’ve started thinking God has forgotten all about you or even stopped loving you. 

Shake that thought off right away because it’s not true.

When it comes to God, he only wants the best for you.

Trust me, I know. 

I also had that moment in my life where I looked up and asked Him directly: “Why do You hate me?” “What did I do wrong to pay for it with so many tears and disappointments?” 

I’ve been there, heartbroken, weak in faith, and emotionally exhausted.

But God made me ashamed for ever doubting Him. 

His path ended up being better than anything I could have ever imagined.

I just lacked patience.

I wanted things to fall into place immediately.

But that’s not how His path went.

It tested my limits. It made me feel weak and unwanted.

It made me doubt my purpose and my existence. 

I’ve been through a lot, and though love problems weren’t the worst that happened to me, somehow the pain they brought was the sharpest. 

So many times I hoped for the best and got the worst.

Everything would start off great.

I would get my hopes up, thinking that maybe this time my luck would change, but it never did. 

I would invest my whole being, and in the end, I would get one big fat nothing—drops of happiness and a sea of sadness; bits of love and a whole lot of disappointments. 

I wore my heart on my sleeve.

I was loyal to the bone, and I always gave the best of me for the person I loved…and I would end up hurt every single time. 

I didn’t know who I was, where I was going, and what destiny had in store for me.

I was lost and exhausted from my own feelings, and somehow God found me again. 

You see, all I needed to do was ask God to help me find my way and learn to trust His timing, and you should do the same.  

God can ease the pain in your heart.

He can be your main source of mental and emotional strength.

With him in your corner, there’s no reason why you will not be able to bounce back.

You are not alone.

We’ve all experienced similar feelings at one point or another.

We’ve all been down, and we’ve all gotten up eventually. 

Good and bad exchange paths all through our lives.

All the bad things that happen to us are our teachers; they force us to learn, and they strengthen us. 

If you are wondering why God allows these types of things to happen to you, the answer is strange, but God knows that set-backs and disappointments will make you a better person.

Every challenge in life is designed to test your courage, patience, and faith.

Running away from a challenge is one of the biggest mistakes that you can make in your life.

You should embrace every challenge with open arms.

God knows your tolerance level.

He knows how much pain you can bear.

He knows that you are much stronger than you think. 

Some pains are inevitable, and some of them are for your own good.

Him keeping you away from someone you are not meant to be with is definitely for your own good.

Staying longer than you should would definitely make irreparable damage. 

Some people simply don’t deserve to be in your life.  

Please keep in mind that emotional pain can serve your best interest.

It can help you become centered, and it can also help you build a stronger relationship with God.

God has your best interest at heart and He wants you to reach your full potential.

This is the primary reason why you face trials and turmoils.

All those falls will help you become a well-rounded human being.

They will teach you how to lift yourself up. 

Life is filled with small valuable lessons.

You must learn to take heed to them.

Once you do, you will become wiser, stronger, and bolder.

You will discover your own bravery, resilience, and true power.

You can learn from your mistakes and move forward.

Don’t make the mistake many people do and try to rekindle a toxic relationship.

Pursuing them is a waste of time and energy.

Believe me, I know that it can be hard to let someone go.

All those special memories and deep emotions can make it extremely difficult for you to move on with your life.

Sometimes you just have to forget what you want and think about what you deserve.

Sometimes you just have to change your mindset and look at the bigger picture. 

Instead of thinking that God hates you, try to look at it from His point of view. 

He is decluttering your life from toxicity.

He is teaching you how to love yourself more.

He is helping you build yourself into the person you were always supposed to be. 

He is clearing your path from everyone and everything that’s not meant to be, so you can find true love and happiness in your soul.

Little Girl Reaching The Sky Hands Praying Smiling on Sunny Beach





Open Topic

Healing.

What happened to you was not your fault.

It was not something you asked for, it was not something you deserved.

What happened to you was not fair.

You were merely collateral damage on someone else’s warpath, an innocent bystander who got wrecked out of proximity.

We are all traumatized by life, some of us from egregious wrongdoings, others by unprocessed pain and sidelined emotions. No matter the source, we are all handed a play of cards, and sometimes, they are not a winning hand.

Yet what we cannot forget is, that even when we are not at fault, healing in the aftermath will always fall on us — and instead of being burdened by this, we can actually learn to see it as a rare gift.

Healing is our responsibility because if it isn’t an unfair circumstance that becomes an unlived life.

Healing is our responsibility because unprocessed pain gets transferred to everyone around us, and we are not going to allow what someone else did to us to become what we do to those we love.

Healing is our responsibility because we have this one life, this single shot to do something important.

Healing is our responsibility because if we want our lives to be different, sitting and waiting for someone else to make them so,will not actually change them. It will only make us dependent and bitter.

Healing is our responsibility because we have the power to heal ourselves, even if we have previously been led to believe we don’t.

Healing is our responsibility because we are uncomfortable, and discomfort almost always signals a place in life in which we are slated to rise up and transform.

Healing is our responsibility because every great person you deeply admire began with every odd against them, and learned their inner power was no match for the worst of what life could offer.

Healing is our responsibility because “healing” is actually not returning to how and who we were before, it is becoming someone we have never been — someone stronger, someone wiser, someone kinder.

When we heal, we step into the people we have always wanted to be. We are not only able to metabolize the pain, we are able to affect real change in our lives, in our families, and in our communities. We are able to pursue our dreams more freely. We are able to handle whatever life throws at us, because we are self-efficient and assured. We are more willing to dare, risk, and dream of broader horizons, ones we never thought we’d reach.

The thing is, that when someone else does something wrong and it affects us, we often sit around waiting for them to take the pain away, as though they could come along and undo what has been done.

We fail to realize that in that hurt are the most important lessons of our lives, the fertile breeding ground upon which we can start to build everything we really want.

We are not meant to get through life unscathed.

We are not meant to get to the finish line unscarred, clean and bored.

Life hurts us all in different ways, but it is how we respond — and who we become — that determines whether a trauma becomes a tragedy, or the beginning of the story of how the victim became the hero.


Open Topic

You Glow Differently.

You glow differently when you let the pain go. The pain of the past. The pain of your childhood. The pain of your breakup. The pain of your failures. You glow differently when you don’t let pain define you. When you take the lessons it taught you and turn them into wisdom, into art, or into stepping stones on your way to resilience.

You glow differently every time people expect you to break, but you don’t crack. You’ve survived storms before. You’ve overcome tragedies and painful experiences before. You can do this. You glow differently when you allow yourself to feel the pain without letting it permeate your life. When you let it all out, but continue to live your life to the fullest. When you let the darkness roll out, but let the sunlight in the next morning.

You glow differently when you don’t let your heartbreak stop you from finding love again, when it becomes your motivation to find your passion, or get back in touch with your friends or meet new people. You glow differently when you believe that these things end for a very good reason, even though you might not understand it right away, it’s what’s best for you. You glow differently when you believe that God won’t take something away from you unless something better is on the way.

You glow differently when you don’t let your childhood wounds define you. Whether it was how your parents treated you or what they told you about love or about yourself. You glow differently when you forgive yourself. When you don’t carry the burdens of your childhood with you. When you don’t let the darkness of the past shadow the brightness of your future.

You glow differently when you’re not scared of pain, when you’re not ashamed of your scars, when you’ve found a way to accept the pain, and you’re not ashamed to tell your story. When you let your pain inspire you to dig out your inner strength, your power or your talent. You glow differently every time you grow out of your pain and find happiness again.

You glow differently every time you heal, because it looks so damn good on you.

Open Topic

I'll Love You…

Maybe you aren’t everything I think you are.

At least that’s what people tell me. They see everything you’ve done wrong. Every mistake you’ve made. Every moment you let me down. And I’m not blind to it. I’m not naive. Because I know you have flaws.

And the truth is, as I get to know you more, I see more clearly that you aren’t some perfect person I thought you were when we first met.

The truth is, as you get to know people more, you begin to see everything a little closer. Skin that might look perfect from afar, you might not notice has a scar with a story of how it got there. And that’s the beautiful thing about people, there is always more than that which scratches the surface.

And I enjoy learning everything about you. Even the bad stuff.

Because the truth is, even with the flaws that prevail, I still see everything good about you.

Even with every mistake you’ve made and stories of your past of things you can’t forgive yourself for, I look at it as something beautiful. Because all of it made you into the person you are today. 

So if you’d let me, I’d like to love you at your worst.

I’ll love you in those moments where you aren’t quite yourself and you don’t like the person looking back at you.

I’ll be there to remind who you are at your best and who it is you make me.

I’ll love you during those nights you’re a little too tired and you look a little exhausted from a long day and you don’t know how you’re going to wake up and do it again tomorrow.

I’ll be there to remind you I’m proud of you and everything you do.

I’ll love you when you’re angry, even though it’s a side very few people see.

I won’t try to fix it, I’ll just love you the best I know how to.

I’ll love you in your absence, in the moments I wish you were standing beside me. I’ll understand that sometimes you can’t be and I will never hold it against you. Because I entered your life knowing very well there are things I’d come second to.

But the thing is with you, the juice is completely worth the squeeze.

Wherever I am and whatever I’m doing or whoever I’m with, in those moments we can’t be together, my heart is yours to have.

I’ll love you in those moments you’re putting on some act to appease people and with one look across the room, I’ll know something is up.

I won’t ask what or press you for details, but I’ll love you and listen when you’re ready to talk.

I’ll love you when you push me away and tell me you’re better off alone.

Because I won’t believe that for even a second. But what I do believe in is, you and us and the person you make me and the way you make me feel standing beside you. That’s enough for me.

I’ll love you for the past you can’t seem to accept because when I look at you, I see a future in your eyes looking back at me.

I’ll love you when you’re stressed and overwhelmed.

And I’ll do anything to try to help you even if there’s nothing I can do, may you find comfort in company and in knowing we are in this together.

As long as you continue to choose me every day, I’ll always be yours.

And if you let me, I’ll love you through those tears I know you think you’re too strong to cry.

I’ll wipe them thinking nothing less of you.

I’ll love you in those moments you become that drunk version of yourself and if I have to, I’ll let you be. I’ll let you have your nights as long as it’s me you wake up to in the morning. 

I’ll love you through the confusion life throws at you and the moments you don’t understand. I’ll remind you it’s okay to feel that way.

I’ll love you when you want to change something big about your life. Go somewhere. Do something.

Because I’ve always believed in you. And I truly believe you can do anything.

You’ll always have someone in your corner.

In those moments where you hate yourself, I promise you I never will.

If ever you should let me, know I’ll always love you at your worst. 

Because you at your worst is better than people’s best.

And if you let me, I’ll love you with everything I have in me.

Because the honest truth is, yes you have flaws, but there is nothing I would ever change about you.

Everything you are, makes me so proud of who I am. Proud to be someone who is worthy of standing beside you. Someone who loves themselves a little more for the love and attention you’ve shown me.

And maybe you aren’t everything I think you are. Maybe you’re more than anything I could have expected in a person, everything I’ve ever wanted, but couldn’t put into words. Everything I couldn’t even dream of, because it wasn’t until you came did I realize someone could fill my life and heart, the way you have.

And if ever I’m so privileged and you should let me, I’ll love you forever and always.